ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: Soundy on September 02, 2010, 08:38:32 pm
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this I posted on Monday on a board some of my friends and I have to hide from the world ...to out of it to type so just cut and pasting it
My dad is in St Thomas Hospital and has been since Thursday or Friday ...not clear when he got there ... he came in an ambulance with partial paper and no ID or contact information ... he was bleeding profusely from mouth and nose and was disoriented ... they feared that he had a clot in lung or neck that had broken loose ...
he has lung cancer and also had by pass surgery to arteries in neck right after I had brain surgery ... one side had been totally blocked and other side was 95 % blocked ... wonder he is here at all ... and he has had 4 heart attacks and countless surgeries from stints to by passes and balloon procedures ...
they got him stabilized and he finally gave them my brothers name but no phone number ... someone finally got a hold of him late Saturday ..
his lungs are OK ...nothing changed ...neck arteries are fine ... what he does have is a massive C-DIF infection in his infection that cause enough bleeding to fill intestine and back up into his stomach and out his mouth ...and his appendix is almost at bursting point but they can’t get it at the moment he is in isolation and they said only one contact person could have visitation with him ... my brothers son is 27 and on his own so he was elected ... me with 2 kids in school to care for sits at phone waiting for news ...
brother said he is confused and told him that his truck was in Tullahoma at Arnold’s Air Force Base and that he had been transported from Arnold’s ... nephew and brother went to get it and searched the base for it and couldn't find it ... asked at clinic that is across from commissary and they had not had him in as a patient since 2009 to get a flu shot ... finally found truck at Lincoln Regional Hospital in Fayetteville which is where he lives ... inside were some groceries ... figure he was at the commissary and saw clinic ... he says he had a spell and went to clinic ... when in reality he drove from Tullahoma to the local hospital and staggered into the ER ... the ER at Lincoln had his keys , clothes and ID ...
they are pumping three antibiotics into him by IV and watching appendix ... they can't operate until infection is knocked back or the spread could kill him , but if it bursts they will have to go in immediately and wash his insides out as the go ...
last few years we have gotten along good ... but most my life he was indifferent to me simply because as the only son as an only son of an only son had it beat into him that he had to have sons to keep the name going ... at 8 years old he told me that I could atop following him around because my brother was big enough to replace me ... and that he didn't want me or my sister we just happened before he got his boys .... we have not had enough good years and he has just realized how wrong what he did was ...
haven't slept ... what I have eaten has come back up ... I am out of hydrocodone that keeps my headaches from surgery at bay that lyrica doesn't stop ... it will be a week or more before any of us will be allowed in ...I want to go to him but hte 100 mile drive to sit in a waiting room , waiting for reports from brother as he goes in for 10 minutes every 3 hours would do me in ...
I feel shredded ...
please keep him in your thoughts ... he is a tough old bird and according to doctors should have dies about 20 years ago when he had second heart attack ... and the day he went to have ears checked due to dizziness and turned out he had very little blood going to brain has them puzzled as to how he was walking around at all ... I really need to see him ... just see him ... no words need to be exchanged ...
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Tuesday learned he had been there since Thursday .... and this was report
infection better and no more bleeding ...appendix is still enlarged but they fear he is too weak to operate ... so daily ultra sounds to watch it ... he was doing better and ate some but got nauseated and heart rate went up ... didn't go down after a bit so they scanned him and he has a valve leaking in heart ...flap not closing right or something letting blood go back wards ...
Wednesday up date was
nothing new ... saw him ... next visit 2 hours later he acted like he hadn't seen me in several years ... but he knew me ...
Today
haven't heard from my brother today and he hasn't answered his phone ... Hospital gave him a code to get through for information and he wouldn't give it to me ...
I am over tired both physically and mentally ...except for yesterday , I have had 19 month old grand baby all week from about 2:PM until 10:00 next morning when her dad wakes up... I gave her to her other grandma this afternoon and tonight ... have to leave my son a message so when he comes in from work around 1:AM he doesn't wake me up looking for his baby ...
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Soundy, that's a lot to handle and I am praying for your strength and peace as well as healing for your dad.
Sara
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Soundy .....
Whew, you have way too much on your plate ..... physically and emotionally. Many prayers for your well-being, as well as for healing for your father.
Hang in there .....
Clarice
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Soundy, you are in need of prayer, both for your dad and for YOU! Consider it done. Hang in there, my friend.
Priscilla
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Soundy ~
I'm so sorry to learn about your dad's medical emergency - several medical emergencies, actually. I have to agree that he is 'a tough old bird' (I know a guy like that, he looks back at me in my mirror every morning). Obviously, this unhappy state of affairs is severely stressful for you and that is apparent in your post. You have so many physical challenges to deal with and now, this emotional one with your father is definitely daunting. I don't know how old your dad is but I long ago (grudgingly) accepted the reality that our bodies are not meant to last indefinitely and that at some point, they'll just wear out, either from old age, illness - or often, both. Your troubled history with your dad is also dismaying but at least you were able to reconcile and now have something better. I will definitely keep both you and your dad in my prayers. He, for healing and you, for strength, both physical and emotional.
Jim
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Soundy,
Sending my prayers your way, hopefully your dad is feelling better real soon! I'm sure you needed this like a hole in the head (oh wait already have an extra one of those), hey if we don't laugh we cry.
Hang in there,
Liz
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You have my prayers I cannot believe your brother didn't give you the code for information ???
Best Wishes,
Pat
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Prayers coming and continue.
Hugs,
Brenda
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Soundy, we’re sorry to learn about your Dad. You are both in our prayers, that he pulls through and that you do get a chance to see each other again.
Rich & Scarlett
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Soundy,
Hang in there. It's an awful lot of stress and emotions to deal with. You will get through this, just take care of you the best you can.
Prayers for you and your Dad.
Connie
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Spent most all day Friday at the hospital ... odd day
got a call that if I wanted to see him I better hurry ... got kids to school made calls to make sure they were taking care of at end of day and called husband so he would know where to find his children then headed north ... when I got there he was not in the room ... nurse said he would be back in about 30 minutes that they had taken him down to do an ultrasound on his heart ... so I wait .. called my brother to see if he was somewhere in the hospital and he was still in route ... wait some more ... 3 hours more ...I went to get something to eat since I could feel BG levels dropping ...came back and he was in room ...sitting up on side of bed sipping water ...
clear as a bell ... we talked about the kids and their fair stuff and just general things ... brother came in and we all just visited all afternoon...they fed dad solid food which made his digestive system go into over drive so we had to leave and went to cafeteria and talked and ate ... came back and talked more ...left about 9:30 to head home ... was a good day and not what I prepared for ...not that you can ever really be prepared
they have him on a drip of heparin to thin blood , antibiotics to combat cdif , and something to clear breathing ... they are going to have to repair heart valve but are trying to get him stronger first ... and another thing ...learned a camera put down in his lungs can find no sign of cancer ...it's as if it was never there even though we know it was and a biopsy confirmed it ... and one of his natural arteries in the heart that wasn't working right is now ...
he is a little confused about time and how he ended up in the hospital but all in all doing well ....
thanks for thoughts and prayers ... I think we are going to need them for some time ...
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got a call from my brother and he was headed to Nashville ... after quiet weekend , daddy is headed to or may already be in surgery ... not sure if crisis arose demanding immediate intervention or if they decided he was strong enough , but they are repairing or replacing the heart valve
the one reliable person that I have that gets the girls for me has an appointment with her youngest this after noon that it took her a month to get and almost that long waiting ...husband works out of a service truck and is either out of cell service area or noisy equipment is keeping him from hearing phone ...so I am gonna just hang tight and wait for word ... gonna be a long day ...
glad for Friday ... didn't say it before but had a feeling that his better condition may signal crisis ... I have seen several people get seeming alot better right before the end ...feel drained and at lose ends ...
have been trying to clean house and get things back in order after I pulled out alot of boxes and things from closets to sort and purge last week when I was playing waiting games sitting by phone ... not having much progress ...can't sit still but not accomplishing anything aside from wearing myself out ... wonky headed and wobbly ... took Tylenol for headache and it has eased but not gone ... will take hydro if it comes back bigger ...only bright spot today has been sitting here at desk looking out the window watching squirrels fight over the dogwood seeds that are bright red and evidently liked by squirrels as they go thorough this every fall ...may give up on house and just watch the squirrels wars
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Blessings to you, Soundy. My heart goes out to you as you wait this out. Let the squirrels provide some welcome distraction.
Priscilla
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Squirrel Wars - sounds like a Discovery channel or Animal Planet TV show! Let them be a good distraction for you. Hang in there.
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Soundy,
What a ride you've been through with your dad, and he is another walking miracle story.
The thing about the lung cancer is interesting too. Where did it go?
Hopefully he will survive this round of illnesses, and you and he can make peace. Is his appendix still there and inflamed?
Hope to hear good news. Plz rest when you can :)
Prayers,
Maureen
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Geez you poor thing, hopefully things went well with the surgery.
Hang in there, sounds like he's doing better.
Liz
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e came through OK and they even let him have a liquid meal this evening ...
you know with them repairing heart valve I forgot about the appendix ... I would hope while under they took care of it too ...
what can I say ... I am easily distracted and the squirrels provided distraction ...and the half grown feral cats under tree waiting in
hopes that a squirrel would fall made it even more interesting ... going to go to Nashville if I can get someone to get the girls ...
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I was so tired and just out of it when I was taking care of my morning school duties that when I got ready to leave a friend asked me if I was OK to drive (it is about an hour and a half one way)... went through some tests similar to drunk test police use at side of road and decide I was not drive safe ... talked to brother who was on the way to sit with him and told him I would take tomorrows shift ... figured not becoming a patient was a good gaol for the day ...husband got up sick at about 1:45 this morning and I have been up ever since ... have found things to do so I wouldn't sit or lay down to nap ...figured no nap would guarantee sleeping more through the night ...
he was doing OK today and tomorrow according to nurse he is suppose to have another procedure ... not sure what and she didn't elaborate ... guess I will find out in the morning
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Glad you decided to take care of yourself. That's most important! Hope things go well with your visit tomorrow.
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Last Thursday's visit was really good ... even when he was talking to me thinking I was his younger sister and he was telling me a story that started out remember when we ? I didn't and didn't catch on that he thought I was my aunt until he aid "then Velma went and got momma and daddy " ... Velma being his older sister
this morning they took him in to do more valve work ... he was in for around 5 hours ... brother got a call last night that one of us needed to be there at 6 this morning ... he went as I had my 19 month old grandbaby ...
they have him on a heart bypass machine to let valve rest and heal a bit but my brother said he came through it well ...
I am worn out and have not gone to sit with him as much as my brother has because I have the kids to juggle ... he is like me ...running on empty ...
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I have been trying to read and catch up on emails and send up dates to family members that I am in charge of relaying stuff to and can't figure out what I was reading or saying so gave up ... will sleep and then take care of it in the morning
someone asked me today ... At this point what are you and your family praying for ???
I really don't know ...
tomorrow is Daddy's birthday ... I think I am praying for him not to die on his birthday ... last week he told me he had to live until at least the 16th then he could go join Roy Acuff and make music ( they share a birthday and daddy made him a courting dulcimer about 30 years ago) I think Acuff died about 10 years ago ...maybe a little longer ... met him a couple time when Daddy was in Nashville selling dulcimers he had made at art and music festivals ... he was a very sweet man and humble ... have a mental picture of him sitting on a concrete parking stop across a parking space that was our booth at a festival ... he had on faded bib overalls and a plaid shirt ... have met a few that it was all about them but he was just a very nice man and was interested in the people scratching out a living on the fringes of Nashville's music industry ...
emotionally and physically drained ...going to bed before my mind drifts off without me
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Soundy,
Hang in there, I'm sure that the stress is soooo draining.
So hard not knowing what the future holds, or how long your dad has.
Prayers are with you,
Maureen
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Soundy,
Such an emotional roller coaster ride for you and your family. What will be, will be. I lost both parents, Mom at 8 and Dad at 33. I know the heaviness you are carrying in your heart.
Please take care of yourself.
Anne Marie
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Soundy
I've been following along quietly, sending healing vibes in my own quiet way, but wanted you to know that I am sending the infamous hugglez to you to help you during this time..... you've been through so much and hoping the love and support of everyone here truly helps you feel stronger.....we're here for you.
xo
Phyl
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Love and support from all here has helped a great deal ... thanks
he is holding his own and they plan to take him off heart by pass this evening and if things go well get him in a room tomorrow...
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holy shamoley !!!!
I just got off phone with my brother... around 4 he got a call from hospital asking where he was ... he said at work ...Daddy convinced a social worker that he could stay by himself and that his daughter Charlotte was going to stay every night with him and most days ...
he doesn't have a daughter named Charlotte... he has a 72 year old sister named Charlotte that is in worse shape than he is and lives in Atlanta GA... Brother asked where the other social worker we had been working with was and she is off today ... this dingbat that was taking her place released him saying he seemed to be cohearant enough to her .... he was sitting in lobby waiting to be picked up ...
We were told this morning that he would be able to go home this weekend and we were working on finding him a place to stay ... he is bound and determined to go home ... don't know what my brother is going to do with him tonight ...and he is going to throw a fit when his truck keys aren't returned ... he doesn't realize how bad he was and since when he is talking he sounds normal to others that don't know that what he is saying is from different time periods and that the names he is giving are not the people that are here around him ...the idiot social worker just cut him loose ...my brother is flipping out ...
I could put a tent in the back yard and get my son and grand baby who are currently living in my living room to sleep in it , put Sarah on the couch and put my dad in Sarah's room ... my brother has a spare room and no little kids to take care of but SIL works 4 1/2 days a week and like us they are out in the sticks and he would be alone most of the time ...
need new prayers that we figure out something that saves the sanity of us all and keeps him safe ... this is not the well thought out plan we were working on with the other social worker >:(
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Soundy
last year, ran into the same thing with my dad and unfortunately, had certain realities hit the family that we had decisions we had to make. My inbox is open for discussion if you want...... know that I'm sending hugglez.
Hang in there!
Phyl
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a prayer was answered ... Daddy was accepted into an assisted living home ... he will be safe and we are working out a schedule so that someone sees him daily if at all possible ...oldest brother works about 5 miles away from home and will stop in on way home each day and take weekends since he is closer ... I will pop in a couple days a week to visit ...older sister who doesn't drive is going to try to hitch rides in with neighbors when they have to come to town ...get dropped off and they will pick her up on their way home ...he just doesn't do well alone ...he has always been a people person and needs to see people ... also with him back in the town he lives in his friends and people from church can visit ...that will help
things look like they are falling in place ... he is doing well medically and is safe and we are not all going to be worn out making sure he is cared for
thanks for all the kind words ... they have meant more than I can tell you ... we are not out of the woods all together but see light
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Soundy, just read your whole thread and can only imagine what you're going through. I just wanted to add my two cents about assisted living. My mother has been in such a facility since a stroke three years ago and once you feel more comfortable with the care he is receiving there, you probably won't feel that he needs one of you there every day. It's hard to let go, but in most cases they really do receive excellent care and many become friends with other residents. I have only one sister who lives several hours away, so basically I am the sole visitor. I still visit my mom at least three times a week, but I also have realized how important it is for me to take care of myself, partly so I can be there for her. You need to do the same! How wonderful that you reached some kind of peace with your father, so much better for you both, even if he may not always know who you are now.
Hang in there! You have much support here. Please continue to keep us posted.
Denise D.
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Right now some one he knows needs to be there just about daily ... when in hospital he would try to leave the room to find people he knew ... this with IVs and heart monitor and oxygen all hooked to wall ... hoping since he has a bedroom , bathroom and little sitting room not just hospital type nursing home room , we can bring some of his things from home to make him comfortable and he will make some friends among the patients and settle in ... then there will be less need for someone to go by daily
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......we can bring some of his things from home to make him comfortable and he will make some friends among the patients and settle in
exceptionally important and most helpful. That will definately help and given time... he will :)
Phyl
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Soundy ~
Like many, I've followed this thread. It's obvious that you've been going through the wrenching but all-too-common experience of an adult child with an ailing parent requiring constant care that you are not physically able to provide. The situation you've described is definitely stressful, to be polite about it, but things seem to be coming to an acceptable finale. For that, I know you're both relieved and grateful. Many prayers will continue for your dad, you and your family as you grapple with this challenging set of circumstances that involve emotional as well as physical obstacles for all concerned. You appear to be on the right track and of course, whatever solace these messages of support can offer, we're happy to give.
Jim
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saw Dad yesterday ...
health wise he is doing well
mentally he is not always sure where he is or what time period he is in ... Alzheimer's testing comes back negative and they are not sure why his metal state is as it is ... he called police to report my step mom missing and they have been divorce for a long time ... the day before he was in right time period and knew what was going on ... but he is safe and that is the main thing
thanks for continued support
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Soundy,
I am so glad to hear that your Dad is doing better health wise. Be thankful the results are negative for Alzheimer's. I would think form the sounds of it and from many classes in psychology, and I don't pretend to be an expert, but it sounds like your Dad may be severely depressed. Depression acts in strange ways and a lot of times mimics dementia. There are also many forms of dementia. Don't give up, ask a lot of questions and ask for him to have a visit with a geriatric counselor, don't settle for one who doesn't specialize in older folks. Even a geriatric social worker can help. Good luck and sending many prayers your way.
Brenda
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hi soundy,
i have just read through this thread as well... getting caught up. i'm glad things are going a bit better, but i'm sure it's still really difficult. i'll be praying for you and your family too.
keri
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last week my Dad moved in with an aunt and cousin near Birmingham ... the aunt runs a nursing home ... my uncle is recently retired from NOAA weather position and is going to watch him daily ... both of them will care for him when she is off ... feel helpless and sad that I couldn't do more ...physically I couldn't keep care of him and know it ...even with negative Altstimers most of us think that he has it ... his personality began to change and he was having some violent outbursts ...medication helped solve this but having been around altstimers patients and watching how things progressed with him I am not sure about the tests ...
going to go down in a couple weeks after giving him time to settle in and adjust ... so far he seems to be doing well ... the day before the move I went and spent the day with him ... the girls wanted to go but he had been out of it and mean for a few days even trying to hit nurses with his walking stick ...I didn't want them to remember him like that so didn't take them ... but he was great all day ... in right time period and doing good physically ... when I left he was playing music in community room for the other patients ... hope when we go it is a good day for him ...
keep him , my aunt and uncle in your prayers ...
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Soundy .....
Thanks for the update. It sounds like he is in the right place now, with good care. It is always hard at holiday time when people you love are hurting.
Many thoughts and prayers.
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Soundy,
Glad that you had a good day with your dad. Just being there and spending that time means a lot, and he is in good hands.
Continued prayers for all of you, especially during the holidays coming up.
Maureen
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he had a good weekend and is doing well so far ... aunt is 16 years older than me but in better health ... she also has the training that my brother and I lack ... still kinda upsetting situation ...he will probably go into the facility she works for if and when he can't be kept at home ...
there is so much going on behind the scenes with him that I can't really discuss here but really appreciate the thought and prayers sent his way ...
I used to tell him and my mom both that I was never going to marry when I grew up ... I was going to have a set of twins and then take care of them when they got old ... married twice , 6 kids with a set of twins in there ... help out mom alot and dad as I can ... funny the memories that come up and smack you in the face ...
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Soundy,
Have been reading/following this thread and my heart goes out to you...you have been through a lot these last few months, and as we all know, there is no rule book on handling such situations.
I believe that you are doing everything you can, while considering your family and your own needs.
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My husband is an only child and we had to work through some of the difficult decisions while raising children...
We offered to have my mother-in-law and her sister live with us, as they grew older - but they wanted to stay in their home town 4 1/2 - 5 hours from where I live.
So we did the best we could at the time, and suffice it to say, I wish I could have done more.
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And recently, for my dad, the same thing, living the same distance away from me.
Fortunately, my mom is in excellent health and could visit when my dad was in the nursing home.
He could be cared for and they had people who could help him with daily needs that my mom could not.
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I am SO GLAD to hear that your dad is feeling better and has a safe place to stay.
I will say prayers for you, your aunt and your cousin, as you continue this journey.
As other have said, we are here for you.
Sincerely,
Sue
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things have spiraled down hill ...
my brother had to go pick Daddy up over weekend ... he was trying his best to get back home and they feared he would get away and get lost ...
with cold temps we have been having that could spell a death sentence ...
my younger brother and daddy have been staying in a hotel for past few days ... he can get to see familiar faces and we are in hopes of getting
him back into facility he was in ... issues with his military retirement and SS checks are keeping him out ...
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Oh Soundy,
My prayers are with you and your brother as you try to resolve housing issues for your dad.
Your dad needs to be in a safe environment, where family can visit.
It really makes me mad that issues with retirement and SS can make this so difficult.
More prayers all around during this time.
Sincerely,
Sue
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Daddy has moved into the house with my youngest brother and the guy he shares the place with ... so far so good ...
as far as his money , it is not the people sending it that have messed up ... evil ex-stepmother was having it transfered to
her account and he was only getting about $240 a month ... lawyer has got that stopped and now waiting on paper work to go through
so he can go back to facility ...
but right now my brother who has rarely seen or talked to my dad in the past 15 years or so is having a ball taking care of him and
just getting to know him again ... hope things get settled more permanently for Daddy but for now things are OK
but past few weeks have showed us that is subject to change daily ...
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Soundy,
So good to read the update about you, your brother, and your dad!
It is wonderful that your brother can assist with his care and can reacquaint himself with dad.
I am sorry a lawyer had to get involved to straighten out the money...but something had to be done.
Continued prayers for your dad, you, your brother and your extended family.
Sincerely,
Sue
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Brothers house mate has moved out ... Dad was driving him loony I guess ...
Saturday is suppose to be Christmas here for all my kids ... with their extended families doings all done the whole lot will descend on me Saturday for enchiladas and cheese cake ( don't ask cause I don't know , it just kinda developed as their menu of choice) ... will have other stuff but that is the main fare
My brother who has Dad usually comes to these mad events but is worried it would be too much for Dad (heck sometimes it is too much for me … I ended up sleeping trough Thanksgiving when head ache lead to nausea and vomiting) … mom and girls and husband finished cooking and feeding and I got up toward the end … so he isn’t going to come up and bring Dad along … and there is also the issue of when dad has to “go†he has to “go “ right then … and we have long stretches of road between here and there with no gas stations or stores … my brother says the day he has to wipe Dads bum will be the day the adventure of keeping him ends … an accident on the car driving down the road could result in brother putting dad out with sign aeound neck saying free to good home
Anyway … tomorrow I am taking one twin with me so he can sit with my dad so I can take my brother to get his licenses … he has not had one in about 6 years … not sure how this is going to go … wondering if dad will behave for my son … he is 40 years younger and about 50 pounds heavier than Dad is and if he made a break for it could sit on him … it isn’t really funny but when we were discussing possible problems ,this picture got stuck in my mind … I am taking a mini meal down so when I get back from taking brother to license station we can eat … not sure if I should leave the girls with son or take them with me … I am just not sure about a lot …
ob la di ob la da
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Life does go on, doesn't it? Your descriptions of dealings with your dad bring back so many memories of similar experiences with my mom. She totally lost the filter on what was and was not appropriate to say out loud , and she would make ribald or profane comments about people in the drs. waiting room. And this was from a woman who was VERY strict about using profanity! She also did not understand why food she ordered in a restaurant did not appear immediately, so that put an end to taking Mom out to lunch on Saturdays after her trip to the hairdresser. I can smile now and appreciate the humor of the situation, but when she said "Get a look at the a** on that one," as an elderly, overweight woman using a walker slowly made her way past us ,I wanted to bolt from the hospital waiting room :D :D :D.
Priscilla
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My brother who has Dad usually comes to these mad events but is worried it would be too much for Dad
Soundy
You know from where I speak....... and based on what I have shared with you.... this key point that I highlight here is a very important point, not to be overlooked. Sensory-overload is VERY important to steer clear in these situations. When too much activity is going on for one to attempt to keep up, it can cause further frustration, aggrevation and (hopefully not) agitation. I would not discount what your brother has shared.... is a very very important point and may be worth further researching.
You KNOW I send MAJOR hugglez.... you know how to find me.... hang in there.
Wishes/thoughts for a happy, HEALTHY 2011.
xoxo
Phyl
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I echo the 'hang in there' and also understand some of the sentiments of aging parents and the things they say and do. It's such a challenge. Soundy, you're doing a great job. Blessings to you and your family.
Keri