ANA Discussion Forum
General Category => AN Issues => Topic started by: DLM4me on March 16, 2009, 03:28:05 pm
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The closer I get to surgery--April 8--the more wound up I'm feeling. Sometimes I think I may implode! It feels that way, anyhow. It's all so overwhelming and daunting...and sometimes I just don't know what to do with all those pent-up feelings.
Well, switching gears to a much happier thought: I'm SO TOUCHED by the warmth and friendliness I've found here. I cannot recall ever, in my 24+ years of online life, feeling so "at home" so quickly on any other site.
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Take deeeep breath.....we are all here ....we will all be here for a long,long time i would imagine,Good Luck w/ your surgery.
cin
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I SO know how you feel. I am about beside myself with anxiety...two weeks from tomorrow. I hope you can find plenty of things to keep you busy until your big day. When is your surgery?
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I've edited my OP, as it inadvertently changed the 8 followed by ) into a smiley face! My surgery is April 8.
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where& how?? ;D
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Deep breath.. Deep breath... You're among friends. I remember being anxious before my surgery also. It's okay to have butterflies, just force them to fly in formation. Someone very wise told me that one time. I love it, so I continue to use it close to 10 years later.
Regards,
Brian
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Where: House (thank goodness I moved back home to SoCal recently!)
When: April 8
How: Don't know yet! They're leaning toward sacrificing what little hearing remains on that (right) side, but I'll know for sure on April 7 at my final pre-op visit.
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Hi! I know the deep breaths are good advice... And i know how crazy this whole AN idea can make a person/people.
(My sister and i are both here, we know as we share this club. We always say that we are 'speshal' and maybe we should call Oprah or Dr. Phil and see if we can get a gig on TV as suggested by our younger sister!)
We are ALL here from you! - we will be saying prayers and sending lots of good vibes your way.
In the meantime, several here have offered advice to keep busy. I think even several have taken medicine to calm themselves prior to the surgery. (as long as it is doctor approved.) Me, i would be eating (anything!), cleaning, and calling every single friend and family member just to say hello. Whatever works for you.
Feel free to vent, we understand. I like this line - "stay strong." You can do it!
We will cheer you right thru - oh gosh, i used to be a cheerleader in high school a million years ago....
GO TEAM GO!
Our best thoughts comin' your way!
Sue
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take long walks....contact all resources.....try to get all paper work done that you won't want to deal w/ after.Stock up on any items of nessesity..tp,juice frozen food items if you do not have a personal cheif ;D...sleep...run up a hill...mow the lawn...take a bubblebath....read a good book & stock up on some others for recoup mode .make sure you have some body w/ you for post-op
1 week or two.take a long drive....in the dark!Practice mapping out the direct route to the bathroom & refrigerator....oh the endless
posibilities you have.Dance....... :)
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Enjoy a lovely glass or two of wine with someone special. It has taken me a very long time to enjoy wine again. Spoil yourself, get your hair done, a night out at the movies.....and also some nice quiet time to pray or meditate. You know you are in good hands. Put your faith in that and in God and you will be find your peace.
Anne Marie
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Dear Anissa and DLM4
Best of luck to both of you. I am still on the watch and wait, passed my last MRI with no growth, I get nervous for myself and everyone on this forum who is facing surgery. I have symptoms daily but my AN is small and I am still able to function in a new normal way.
My thought and prayers are with you both. Please keep in touch and let us know how it goes.
LisaP ;D
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I know how you feel -- 1 week tomorrow. I just try to keep busy. There is so much I need to do before surgery, but I feel like I never accomplish anything. When I saw the surgeon, he told me to go home and get on with life and not to worry about anything until surgery day -- yeah right!
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This is going to sound so completely pathetic, but here goes:
I can't go for walks--for a variety of reasons. One, residual effects from one of my broken bones (ankle); two, asthma that although [currently!] well controlled, makes activity difficult; three, DIZZINESS from the lovely AN. Starting in June 2003 I fell three times and broke three bones, one requiring two surgeries and another one requiring one operation...and my dizziness is MUCH, MUCH worse now than it was then. So walking is out.
I can't drive--I had to give that up a month or so ago due to...you guessed it!...the AN-related dizziness.
I can't read, at least not for prolonged periods (like more than 5-10 minutes) because it exacerbates the dizziness. I've always been a voracious reader, so this really sucks.
I can't work on the computers--and I'm a programmer/sysadmin by profession, so computers are like...my LIFE--because of the dizziness.
I don't drink, so wine is out.
I basically can't do ANYTHING that requires standing up or even being upright for prolonged periods--so cooking is out, gardening is out, going to the beach is out, going to the movies is out, pretty much everything I enjoy doing. :'(
I know it sounds like I'm having a pity party, but I'm really not! I'm just stating facts...pathetic sounding as they are! ;D
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DLM
It sounds like you activities are pretty restricted due to your physical limitations. Talking on the phone to friends, having them over for a casual get together, or going to their homes, listening to music are other ways to keep busy and distracted. If you feel like you need a tranquilizer,ask your doc -- my GP actually offered to prescribe something to help me relax but I declined. I found keeping busy in lmy own way gave me more of a feeling of being in control of something. Do what works for you.
Wendy
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I know it sounds like I'm having a pity party, but I'm really not! I'm just stating facts...pathetic sounding as they are! ;D
DLM4me,
Hi again.
Here's some thoughts - random thoughts, as my daughter says:
If you DO want to have a pity party, i think you should - you are allowed! But i understand that facts are facts.
I wish i was nearby - i would love to take you for a drive along the beach! (no beaches near my house) I live in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, so the Skyline Drive is an option if you don't mind the height. Maybe a friend/friends could take you on a drive.... I HATE to ask for help, but have to now.
How about books on tape - yes, not as good as reading - but something to do.
Sorry about computers and your work - can you use that Speech Recognition software to do some work?
I understand about not drinking - alot folks don't. Me, i have learned to appreciate a good glass of Crown Royal and Coke - even Crown on the rocks. I prefer this to taking medicines, but that doesn't mean it is good for me. Just a form of self-medication. So i try to do so in moderation.
Can you get outside at all? I have really been craving the sun on my face.... We have had a very dry winter, but still cold. Now, it is getting warmer so going out alittle helps for me.
All my best to you. I know your surgery day will go well.
Thoughts and prayers to you.
Sue
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Hold my hand. We'll walk through those doors together that morning, although I'll be on the East Coast three hours ahead of you.
And we'll walk out together and go on with our lives, however altered or limited.
Nancy
Translab April 8 Boston
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Two surgeries on the same date! There will be alot of love and prayers going out from this board on that day. Nancy, I guess youv`e had alot of time to prepare with W+W for so long. I`ve been W+W and know also that I may face a similiar fate in the future. On St. Patty`s Day a special prayer!, Mickey
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Oh, no, not exactly. I was in denial. ;D
Dr. McKenna once said, "You'll have to get it out some day." And I walked out, muttering, "Oh, no, I won't!"
He was right. I was wrong.
Thanks for your kind wishes.
Nancy
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DLM ~
I'm sorry to learn of your pre-op distress. However, it's relatively normal, as these things go. I've observed some useful suggestions posted from Sue, Wendy and others that take into account your rather severe limitations. I concur with Sue that having a 'pity party' is both understandable and probably inevitable, but once you've gotten past that point, one has to confront reality and try to take some control of this unwanted situation. The fact that you need this surgery and will be better off when that tumor is out of your head, should give you some measure of assurance. Also note that many people have gone through this (I'm one of them) and come out the 'other side' just fine, even if slightly different than before. You'll get through this. Please don't allow yourself to succumb to your fears and anxieties. Try to be strong and think positive thoughts, such as how much better you'll feel when the AN is finally gone. :)
I've added your surgery date to our 'AN Treatment Calendar' - http://my.calendars.net/an_treatments/d08/04/2009?authenticate=&display=M&style=B (http://my.calendars.net/an_treatments/d08/04/2009?authenticate=&display=M&style=B). Feel free to add or alter the entry as you see fit.
Jim
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I hear what your saying Nancy! I`m hoping that my decision to W+W will come out OK. Personally if my doctor wasn`t agreeing with my decision calling it 1 of the 3 viable treatments, I`d be done. Many known to never have intervention starting at my age. Believe me I am not in denial, just trying to do the best I can to come out of this OK. So far so good and feeling good. Wishing you the best and lookning fowards to your recovery, Mickey
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Thanks, Mickey. Me, too. You're very kind to be concerned about me as are all of the forumites.
Nancy
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I can't go for walks--for a variety of reasons. One, residual effects from one of my broken bones (ankle); two, asthma that although [currently!] well controlled, makes activity difficult; three, DIZZINESS from the lovely AN. Starting in June 2003 I fell three times and broke three bones, one requiring two surgeries and another one requiring one operation...and my dizziness is MUCH, MUCH worse now than it was then. So walking is out.
I can't drive--I had to give that up a month or so ago due to...you guessed it!...the AN-related dizziness.
I can't read, at least not for prolonged periods (like more than 5-10 minutes) because it exacerbates the dizziness. I've always been a voracious reader, so this really sucks.
I can't work on the computers--and I'm a programmer/sysadmin by profession, so computers are like...my LIFE--because of the dizziness.
I don't drink, so wine is out.
I basically can't do ANYTHING that requires standing up or even being upright for prolonged periods--so cooking is out, gardening is out, going to the beach is out, going to the movies is out, pretty much everything I enjoy doing. :'(
I don't see any mention here of chocolate. So my recommendation is a Hershey bar ;D
My best words of advice to you - and Nancy - is to focus on the abilities of your surgeons and just put your trust and faith in them. They are experienced at this - all you have to do is sleep ;)
Seriously, I found that my confidence in my neurotologist and my neurosurgeon was a huge comfort to me and I actually approached my surgery day with little or no anxiety. By the time I arrived at the hospital in the wee hours of the morning, I was just ready to get on with things ::) and get back to my "normal" life. This was a tremendous step for me - since I am a certified control freak - but I had pretty much decided that things were out of my hands and if I wanted my AN removed (which I did) there really was no other way to go.
I also found that second-guessing myself (I had also had the option of radiation) was something that made me anxious early on, so I completely abandoned that idea.
You will both find "peace" in your own way. In the meantime, remember that you will be fine and that we will all be thinking of - and praying for - you guys.
Jan
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DLM4me sorry i did not read your previous post of your pre-op problems.Most of my problems came after surgery.I had dizzieness,fatigue & some head bangers but i was skiing,zip lining in mexico & cleaning 3 building w/five flights of stairs on each end.
That was before i knew what was going on.....now i do not know whats going on in a different sense,but everyday i am investigating & learning from this site on why i feel the thiings i feel.So...i take back all the go dancing driving in the dark stuff.Take a
pill & put your feeet up & watch the comedy channel for a while...or Duece Bigalow movie always cracks me up.
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Hang in there. Even 5 years post op I remember the weeks before surgery as the most stressful! I was pretty sick too with 3 young children. Just try to enjoy each day and make plans for what you are going to do when the dizziness is gone!! :)Stay strong......
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Okay, here's my advice. You may not be able to do much in the way of physical activity to relieve the pent up rage/stress you are feeling. You CAN grab a pillow, hold it over your face (NO, don't smother yourself!!) and do a primal SCREAM. Do several. Just let it go. Put that anger, pain, fear, disappointment, frustration, everything you have into that scream. If you live in a private area, do away with the pillow. I just don't want the cops coming to your door, looking for some insane mad person and haul you away!! ;) So, scream away, kiddo. That will help get rid of some of that "stuff" building up in you. And then...sit and calm yourself and light a candle and stare at the flame and try to find that stillness inside of you and get in touch with your theta brainwaves. Maybe sitting in a hot tub, or bath tub would be relaxing. And then go back to screaming! You will feel much better, trust me. Scream every morning and every night, if you have too. Or every hour on the hour. Whatever it takes to get through the day. Seriously. Try it. :)
Sue in Vancouver USA
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I'm not exactly sure what happened, but Tuesday morning I felt like I'd been run over by a steamroller--I just COULDN'T get going, couldn't even stay awake. I slept ALL day long...I barely remember any of that day. Yesterday was nowhere near that bad, but I was still very tired. But I'm back now! :)
How funny that Nancy and I are having surgery on the same day! Nancy, I wish you all the luck in the world and look forward to comparing notes afterwards.
Someone mentioned chocolate...that sounds so good! My husband started calling me a "chocoholic" MANY years ago, long before we ever heard anyone else use that term. So that should give some indication of my love affair with chocolate. ;D
One thing that's come out of all this is that I'm in touch with more people, and more often, than I had been for a while. Relatives and friends I adore but are far away are making it a point to call and e-mail more. And vice versa. Talking on the phone really is helping a lot.
Forgive me if I've already said this in this thread (I'm too lazy right now to look), but I want to clarify that my pre-op jitters are NOT normal for me. The last time I was scared going into surgery was when I was 22 and having a life-saving hysterectomy. I wasn't afraid for me, but for my husband and our child. I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing my little girl grow up, and the idea of my husband being a young widower raising a child on his own was hard to imagine. Since then, despite dozens of operations, I've been pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. However, as each surgery happened and it took longer to rebound--physically AND emotionally--it's gotten to a point where I just dread the whole idea. It's a weird concept, really, KNOWING that you're going to feel like crap as a result of something you're doing voluntarily, and doing it anyway!
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Are you screaming yet?? ;) Go, on.....don't be shy. Scream a little scream for me! ;)
Sue in Vancouver USA
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I don't know what to say how about, that is a really crappy hand you have been dealt, it all sucks, my heart aches for you. I hope you can pull yourself out of the skids, think positive it has to get better. Sounds like the only enjoyable thing is for your hubby to bring you some pretty, sweet smelling flowers. Sending you best wishes and I will carry my special stone in my pocket on April 8th so that I may think of you often during the day.
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Nancy,
I also have Dr. McKenna and I am also watching and waiting. It has only been one year (March 31,2007) to be exact since I was dx. No growth, but you also had no growth for a while. Dr. McKenna never made that statement to me about that it will "someday come out". He told me that because I had no growth, I had a 50/50 chance that it won't ever grow.
Oh boy, being on w&w also makes me nervous when I read about people like you who were and now are having surgery.
Again, keep in touch, best of luck, will keep you in my prayers!!!
LisaP
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DLM, Nancy, Annissa and Tara,
As someone who has just recently been through what you are all going through/about to go through, I'd like to share a little bit with you all. The last week before the surgery for me was the hardest. I had put it to the back of my mind but the last week it became suddenly very very real. I even spent a day frozen in my chair playing sudoku puzzles because I was kind of stuck and couldn't get my brain to actually get me to do anything because concentrating on the puzzles was the only thing that kept me from thinking about the surgery. I got past that stage thank goodness! For me it was all the what ifs that scared me, but to be honest, the night before the surgery and the morning of the surgery I was cool as a cucumber. I felt good, I felt relief that it was all about to be over, the waiting. As everyone says the first couple of days are the worst in hospital but you won't be aware of much. Document it if you can, have a friend take some pictures, you will be absolutely amazed at your progress a few days later looking back. I can't believe I am the same person who was lying in bed two days post op. After two days post op I stopped being ill (I was only ill about 6 times) and I started getting better. I'm not sure if being sick is normal or a reaction to the anaesthetic, but that's what happened to me... but just ride it. The nurses will give you drugs if you feel in pain. I didn't. A couple of times I woke up with a slight ache just before my next dose of drugs, but they managed the pain really well because I never felt horrible like that... it was just the dizziness that I found weird. My eyes found it hard to focus properly - I had pretty good balance before the surgery. So how do I feel now? 9 days later... fantastic. I just posted on my update thread from when I was in hospital so you can see photos of me before surgery, two days post surgery (with my fat swollen head!) and yesterday. The night before the surgery, just think, in a week I'm going to feel great! It will be over soon and you'll be on the flip side and so grateful for that. Too much thinking and worrying is not good for you!
Best wishes xxx
JB
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Sue and Rivergirl, thanks for the kind thoughts and ideas. My husband usually brings me a lei when he visits (he's living in Hawaii), so I look forward to that. He always brings something that's mainly purple, which I love.
JB, thanks for posting the recap of your recent surgery experience. It sounds like you're doing great! I'm thinking I'll have the reverse of your frozen thing, as right now all I have is time on my hands to obsess about the surgery (and its post-op issues), but right BEFORE surgery I'll have the anticipation of my husband arriving and then our daughter a few days post-op. I get to see my grandson again! They were just here in January (they live in NY), and I did not expect to see them again so soon. In fact, we got to celebrate our grandson's first birthday, which was pretty cool!
I always make it a point to tell the anesthesiologist prior to surgery that I have problems with nausea post-op; that way they add something to the mix before I wake up that helps control that. I'll DEFINITELY mention it this time!
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DLM:
It's good to see you are in better spirts. A positive outlook is good in the healing process.
Syl