Post-Treatment > Cognitive/Emotional Issues

Mourning the "old" you... embracing the "new" you

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ppearl214:
Hi all,

over time, I have heard of so many (myself included) that have a difficult time trying to adjust to physical, emotional, etc changes that we endure during this journey we didn't sign up to ride.

Many have a very difficult time trying to adjust to things, such as SSD-hearing loss, facial/eye issues, tinnitus, memory issues, balance, etc. 

Many here have offered such hugs and support and words of encouragement to those that have had or are having a difficult time trying to adjust to the "new" you (ie: post treatment, etc).

Many here have met me face to face and can see the war I wage as my body tries to fail me daily.  Beyond my AN issues, I have other medical issues, etc.  I use to be a runner/power walker.... now, I walk with a cane.  I use to be 30 lbs lighter... now, I'm a whole lot more heavier.  I use to be in the gym 6 days a week, doing cardio and circuit training. Now, I am lucky if I can lift a bag of groceries.  I miss my "old" me SO very much.... but, I've learned to adapt as best as I can to the "new" me... even if the body is not what I ordered.

As it pertains to AN's, based on those that post here or communicate with me directly, note the difficult time they have trying to embrace the "new" self they have become. 

Thoughts... remedies... words of encouragement, etc are so very welcome here. I am hoping you all will share here about trying to embrace the "new" you... and how you've learned to mentally/emotionally cope with it.

and for those here that are trying VERY hard to adapt to the "new" you.... share here... and we are going to support you as best as we can.

We've discussed this lightly throughout the threads on this site... I'm trying to centralize a thread here to use as a reference point for down the road, for those that may be having a difficult time... I/we can point them to this thread to let folks know that they certainly are not alone.  I'll post later exactly how I've embraced this "new" me, as much as I don't want the "new" me.... but, it is now who I am and I have learned to love it. :)

thanks all!
Phyl

jerseygirl:
Phyl,

This is one of the best posts I have seen on this forum. You just hit it precisely.  I was not my usual self during the recovery period and just kept telling myself that if I could recover after the first surgery, I can do it now. I also realized that the hardest thing to do for me was asking for help from others. I used to be so damned independent! Others, in turn, were so used to me being independent and never needing help. Now, I am less of a caretaker and do ask for help periodically to train everybody else around me that I have needs,too. My condition was such a shock to everybody. I just went from one extreme to another. Now I am somewhere in the middle.

I also refuse to accept my "new" self. It just makes me angry that I have limitations or cannot do things the way I used to. I keep searching for ways to overcome that.

                  Eve

nteeman:
Phyl,

As one who faces his surgery tomorrow morning I know that this is going to be a turn in the road for me regardless of the outcome. I don't think I'll be the same person no matter how good the surgery turns out. Of course I hope the outcome will be good and the changes will be minimal -- I do not expect my AN ear to ever hear good again and the chances are 50/50 that I'll be completely deaf in that ear.  I have hope for the other aspects of post-surgery outcome and I believe I will adapt to whatever happens.

That said, as a 57 year old man who has kept him self in pretty good shape most of his life, and even before the AN, I'm still not the same me I was at 18 or 20 or 35 or 45. I wish I was but it just can't be. Things happen, you change, you get older, illness, money problems, job losses -- they all take there toll.  We have no choice but to make the best of what we are right now.

Cherish the memories of the 'old' you, don't mourn them, and yes, embrace the 'new' you.

Cheers,
Neal

Tisha:
Hi Phyl,

I didn't realize you had all the extra challenges.  You do seem to stay so upbeat and are quite the inspiration.  Although my symptoms are still relatively new, and may get worse as time progresses as the tumor swells, it still is a  "new me" for now.  Really, all I have to do is read the paper and it puts everything into perspective.  All the tragedies in the world and I realize that my hearing issues are insignificant and I can handle it just fine.  That's probably not the most healthy way to put it into perspective, but it does it for me (sort of smacks me in the face). 

Good thread.  Tisha

suboo73:
Hi Phyl,  There are so many thoughts racing through my head right now as i read this thread...  Although i am currently in 'Watch & Wait' mode and only have some hearing loss, in the past i had been so frustrated with a lack of explanation for that condition - i couldn't hear everything clearly that my children said, got frustrated in a crowded room trying to talk to others, and didn't always feel i was giving my all as a preschool teacher.  I remember when i read the MRI report, i felt actual relief knowing the reason for my hearing loss.

That was then, and this is now.  No going back to the 'before,' just like Neal said. (One friend said this same thing to me, but not with Neal's positive attitude...boy, did that drag me down!  As a matter of fact, i didn't respond to this person - don't want to spend the energy.)

I came to this site looking for information; what i see is so much more -the love and caring that everyone gives is indescribable!

In embracing the 'new' me, i find it helps to sometimes share my story with others. Even more so, I always try to listen more, knowing that we each have a story to tell.

And last but not least, i try to take one day at a time, with grace, patience and a little humor! 
Thank you, for all you do.

Sincerely,
Sue

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