ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: Doc on May 07, 2010, 09:19:50 am
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It’s no big secret, Sunday, May 9th, is Mother’s Day! If you’re fortunate enough to still have your Mom in your life, please be sure you let her know just how much you love her and appreciate everything she means to you. If you're a Mom, well than, Happy Mother's Day to you...your children are blessed to have you in their lives!
My Mom unfortunately suffers from Alzheimer’s and has been in a Nursing Home for the last 13 months. They’ve had her on all the latest medications but, as I’m sure you know, there is no cure for Alzheimer’s. The best they hope to achieve is to slow the progression of the condition.
We were in to visit with Mom this past Tuesday, May 4th. It was her 76th Birthday and we brought her a bunch of cards from friends and relatives from across the country. She didn’t remember it was her special day, but she enjoyed the cards and Birthday Cake all the same. I could tell, she called me “Bernie†and thanked me for the Cake. “Bernie†was my Father’s name, he passed twenty years ago.
We’ll be back in to see Mom this Sunday as always with one difference. I’m thinking the hug will be just a bit tighter and last a little longer!
Go see your Mom this Sunday. If that’s not possible, call her! If your Mom is no longer with you, remember her all the same. She still loves you!
Take Care!
;)
Doc
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Thanks, Doc for the well wishes :)
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Hi Doc,
My mom suffers from Alzheimer’s as well. It’s such a terrible disease. She is still at home with my dad though. Yesterday I spent the morning and afternoon with them making (and eating ::)) crépes and just shooting the breeze. It was a great day. I will be going over again this Sunday and yes… I’ll be hugging a little longer and a little tighter!
Happy Mother's Day to every mom out there! :-*
Scarlett
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Doc,
I lost my Mom to Alzheimer's Disease four years ago. She was 84 and was diagnosed at the age of 70. So hug your Mom tightly, I am sure that somewhere in her being she knows exactly who you are. Count your blessing for all of the good days she will have, because she will have them. I'll be thinking about you this Mother's Day as you celebrate with your Mom.
Brenda
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Doc,
I lost my Mom when I was 8 years old. Mother's Day was always difficult for me as a kid growing up. The best and saddest Mother's Day was 23 years ago this year. My husband's Aunt was in the hospital and she had a lumpectomy on her right breast. My husband I went to visit her the Friday afternoon. In her broken English with a very thick Italian accent she started laughing and said I would be joining her that night in the hospital. I was just entering my 39 week of pregnancy with my oldest son Joseph.
Louie and I laughed along with her, we went home and Louie went off to work. Later that night I was watching good old Johnny Carson and gosh was his monologue funny. I decided I wanted to shower and do my hair and make up to see how I would look for a family wedding we were to attend the next day. My hair was done make up perfect, dress was very pretty periwinkle blue and white. Cute little white pumps and I didn't have to wear pantyhose because it was very warm out. I was so happy. I actually was very pleased with the results, I didn't look half bad for a very pregnant woman.
All of a sudden my stomach turned I didn't know which end was up. My body got rid the waste I felt better and than my water broke. I called my husband at the pizzeria and he didn't believe me. He said I better call my sister to make sure LOL!!! What a guy. He came and got me, off to the hospital we went, no labour. They left me like that until noon the next day and started an induction drip. Meanwhile Louie had been over to visit his Aunt. She called every 30 mins to see if I have had the baby yet. The induction took a very long time. Finally my beautiful Joseph made his arrival at 11:38 pm May 9.
Mother's Day Sunday May 10 @ 6:00 I hear Anna Maria, Anna Maria wake up....let's go see the baby. Joseph was up in the preemie floor in an incubator because he gone into fetal distress and he was on antibiotics. Zia Giovanna and myself both have IV poles. Her and I were not suppose to leave our floors unattended, but off we go. When she saw Joseph inside the incubator she put her hands through the openings to touch Joseph, she looked at me and said "my life is finished and his life is new." We both cried. Zia Giovanna fought a brave battle for almost 5 years. She never saw her sons get married or got to hold her grandchildren. She loved my Joseph like a grandson. Every Mother's Day is so bittersweet for me. Joseph remembers her.
Every Mother's Day I cry for her, my Mom and now Louie's other Aunt because it will be her 1st year anniversary of her passing is May 9. I also cry for my Dad because he took on so much when my Mom became so ill in 1963 and especially after she died. Moms and Dads are pretty amazing.
Thanks Doc for sharing :-*
Anne Marie
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Doc ~
I lost my mom to a stroke 32 years ago (she was only 66). I think of her almost every day. Your advice to those who are fortunate enough to still have their mother in relatively good mental and physical health should appreciate her all the more on Sunday, as I'm sure they will. Thanks for the poignant reminder and I hope your Sunday visit with your mom is pleasurable for both of you.
Jim
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Thank you for the Mother's Day wishes I lost my mom 3 years ago she had dementia and she died of pancreatic cancer. The only good thing I feel is because she was out of it mentally she never complained of pain and we didn't even know that she had this cancer until the end. So I guess at least one good thing is she didn't suffer never looked like she had severe pain she only said at times her stomach hurt a little. I thought this type of cancer was painful so having Alzheimer's or Dementia with a fatal illness might have some sort of benefit regarding pain.
Best Wishes,
Pat
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I feel pretty blessed to have my Mom and my Mother in Law as well as my Grandma who turns 90 this year. My parents and my Grandmother had kids when they were very young so my kids have a great grand mother, and my Grandmother has a couple of great great grand children. I've rarely suffered the pain of the loss of a family member. My husband's father died of stomach cancer the year before I met him, nearly 19 years ago now. In fact last weekend they held a 20 anniversary memorial picnic at the cemetery. We couldn't go because my husband had gall bladder surgery with complications and was hospitalized all week.
My Mom's birthday is May 2 (coincidentally her father died that day 10 years ago) so it's always really close to Mother's day. We missed the party, but will be traveling to see her this Sunday. My husband's Mom will be at his brother's for the day. We are very lucky to have them both with us, and no matter how crazy they may make us from time to time, They're our Mom, and we love them.
I wish you all a great Mother's Day, celebrating or visiting, whatever you chose to do...I'm sure it will be a great day.
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That is amazing DonnaLynn and Nikki that you have your Grandmothers. Life is truly a blessing.
I agree with you DonnaLynn I too feel very blessed to be a Mother. Actually my sons are my greatest accomplishment of course with the help of Louie ::) Father's Day is just around the corner I don't want him to feel left out here!
Anne Marie
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My Mom is far enough along that she can't keep my name and my nephew's name straight anymore, but we don't mind. Playing cards with her means explaining the rules again every time it is her turn. It is still fun. I can't help but notice that it doesn't matter at all to me if she is starting to slip in the memory and attention department. She is still there, still enjoying life, still loves her family, and is still loved by her family as well. There is nothing in the world quite a like a hug from Mom.
Whether it is in person or a memory in your heart, Happy Mother's Day to all.
Steve
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First, Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms in our group and thanks to Doc B for starting this thread. I lost my mom almost 23 years ago -- she had acute myelogenous leukemia. Although I especially miss her on Mother's Day -- she was a wonderful mom and I also have many great memories of our times together.
Wendy
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Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there. I got a call from son overseas first thing this morning...yahoooo...it made my day..
JO
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Happy Mother's Day to all you moms on the forum! I am feeling a wash of emotions as I work my way through this day. My daughter is getting married next Friday, and my sweet husband and I are in a get-the-house-and-yard ready for company mad dash. I lost my mother-in-law to malignant brain cancer two years ago and my own mom to alzheimer's 5 years back. I am missing both of them terribly right now, knowing how excited they would be about this event.
On a positive note, I got flowers yesterday from my son, and my daughter and her sweetie will be in tonight. My cup runneth over!
Priscilla
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It's been a banner weekend. My firstborn graduated from college yesterday and my middle daughter was confirmed today. We had both my mom and my mother-in-law over for lunch today to celebrate. Having lost both our dads in the past eighteen months, my husband and I realize that we never know what year is going to be our last with our moms.
Best wishes to all moms and surrogate moms everywhere.
Sara
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Heard from my son in Iraq this morning ...day late but great all the same
I admired some irises growing along a road bank by a barn last week ... said I would like some ... so my crazy family pulled over on their way back from skating rink Saturday night and stole them :o ...they proudly presented them yesterday and I knew immediately where they came from ...I meant I wanted some bulbs or rhizomes or whatever you call them ...I jokingly told them if they were gonna steal them they should have taken bulbs,roots and all ... youngest said they would go back and get them ... I told her no ... the house is abandon and owners come up 2 or 3 times a year to check on it ... and the flowers are in right-of-way between the fence and road which is really public domain ... but still feel like I have a huge bouquet of "HOT " flowers on my table...this is so not my husband ... I am more likely to do something like this than he is ... I have corrupted him
My mom had a mentally disable daughter , my older sister , that took her from the rest of us kids most of the time , in her efforts to save the one ... kinda a rocky relationship ... or I guess not rocky , more just really bumpy ... she did what she had too ... I always said if I had kids I would not get so over involved with one that I lost the rest ... I would sacrifice the one ... that was as a kid set adrift at around 11 years of age to find her way and keep herself and 3 younger brothers fed and in clean clothes ...
Found out last week that mom's breast cancer that spread to lymph nodes has now invaded her liver and pancreas ... due to identity theft and someone using her identity to get medical treatment and exhausting her benefits , they left symptoms untreated from December til April ... she has more testing to see how far advanced but was told that this will be fatal ... and I am thinking there is not enough time to kiss make up and say goodbye ... she doesn't know half of the resentment I feel toward her and my dad ... and won't ...her knowing would hurt her and me for hurting her ... when I became a mother I understood the why of what she and my dad did ...doesn't take away what I lost but I understand ... and right now I am bitter at doctors who knew something was going on but wouldn't check because suddenly she had no benefits ... could kill (or just maim) the person (who has not been caught) if they were in front of me ... and I am incredibly sad ... we have had the most normal relationship the past 5 or 6 years than we ever had ... and now I see the end coming ...
So this Mothers Day was bitter sweet ... probably the last with her ...she doesn't expect to see the new year come in and is being very brave and graceful about it ... so I stand strong beside her , no tears and do as she bids ... just as I have always done ... she wants no heroics after years working in nursing home and watching families keep people alive just to say they were not dead , even when there was no brain activity ... she wants to just go with no fuss and has put me in charge of handling my brothers and sisters ...she wants to be cremated and her ashes tossed into the Elk River ....something that will be fought but is in writing all legal and up to me to get done ....
I miss her already becasue it seems I just gt her ...hug them while you have them
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Soundy,
I'm so sorry.
Anne Marie
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Soundy,
How sad. :( I know coming to terms with your past must have been very difficult for you. I hope the time with you have left with your mom is a time for healing old wounds.
I also hope whomever stole her identity is caught and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Wendy
Wendy
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Soundy ~
My wife experienced a difficult, abbreviated childhood somewhat similar to yours (mentally challenged sibling and 7 other kids in the family that she was responsible for most of the time) but eventually decided to let it go and focus on her life, now. She's been doing that for most of our marriage (almost 40 years). Of course, no one can simply 'forget' about the hard, sad parts of a childhood. My wife hasn't. She remembers but simply refuses to dwell on those things and considers them so distant and so overwhelmed by the many joys in her life since then, that they no longer have any real effect on her. Her mother died of cancer in 1982. We attended the funeral, of course, but my wife's older sister (since deceased) started a fight with her over who sat where in the limousine that drove them from the church to the cemetery (I followed in our car). She left the cemetery in tears - and not only over the loss of her mother, with whom she had, shall we say, a tenuous relationship that she always wished could have been better. I'm pleased to learn that you had the opportunity to restore your relationship with your mother.
I appreciate your candor in explaining your feelings as your mother, through a horrendous combination of events (identity theft leading to loss of medical coverage) faces a terminal situation, with, as you noted, grace and bravery. Her request that you handle the family and the final disposition of her ashes is a clear indication that, indeed, your relationship with your mother has definitely been restored. That being the case, I can understand your sorrow as you face the reality that your time with your mother is rapidly drawing to a premature end. You and your mother will be in my prayers.
On a brighter note, I'm glad you got to hear from your son in Iraq. Like most Americans, I give our military men and women the greatest respect and hope your son will stay safe over there.
Jim
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Didn't mean to toss cold water on this thread ...
I am grateful for the time I will have with my Mom ... the past is past and if anything has made me stronger ... too strong in some ways
several years ago I could barely be in the same room with her ... glad that is in the past ...
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A Final Mother's Day Message:
My Mother passed away at 3:38 a.m. - 5-31-2010 (76 yrs). Alzheimer's hastened her death. The official cause of death is noted as Respiratory Failure. The last 13 months were a sad time for my family and I as Mom lived out her days enduring all that Alzheimer's subjects its victims to. Now that she has passed, we can celebrate her life knowing she is much happier and, in a far better place. Mom is survived by her three children, 8 Grandchildren and 5 Great Grandchildren.
Next Mother's will be a strange one for my Sister's and I.
Thanks!
Doc
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Alzheimer's is tough one. I remember just wanting to have an ordinary conversation with my mom, like trying out a new recipe or discussing books or movies. I'm glad your mom is free and whole now. Keep your good memories and let go of the hard ones!
Priscilla
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Doc, my dad passed away exactly one year ago today. It is hard, no matter the cause.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sara
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Sorry for your loss ...
But I too believe that she is in a better place ... hugs to you , your sister and all the rest of her family
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So sorry Doc for the loss of your Mother. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Anne Marie
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Doc ~
My condolences on the loss of your mother. It's always a conundrum when a loved one is suffering and then, inevitably, dies. We're relieved to know their suffering is over but saddened at losing them and having been helpless to stop whatever they suffered with. I went through that when my mother was felled with a stroke. She suffered greatly, had to have a leg amputated then died suddenly (still hospitalized) of a second, massive stroke. She was 66. Her loss was profound to my sister and I but we were relieved that her suffering had ended. That was 32 years ago and we still miss mom, so I have a grasp of what you might be feeling, now.
Of course you'll never forget your mother but I can tell you (from experience) that the feeling of loss does subside a bit as time (and life) goes on. You'll always have your cherished memories of her and as you said, you chose to celebrate her life and not simply focus on her death (and your loss). That's a sensible, practical way of dealing with the inevitable death of a loved one and I'm pleased to learn that you're taking that approach. Again, you have my sympathy and prayers for both you and your family at this time.
Jim
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Condolences, Doc B. Love and prayers to you and your family.
Hugs,
Capt Deb
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Doc,
My condolences to you. No matter that you know she is in a better place, at peace, it is still hard to lose your mother.
I lost my mother at age 63. She lay down for a nap and just didn't wake up.( That's the way I would like to go.) She had diabetes, so they were thinking a silent heart attack.
I was angry that I couldn't say goodbye :'(
hang in there,
Maureen
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Doc,
My condolences on your loss. Unfortunately I know too well how Alzheimer's takes it toll. My Mom, who will turn 84 in a couple of days, has been deteriorating from this terrible disease for several years. When I think back just 3 years ago she was a totally different person. We had caregivers for as long as possible to keep her in her own home but finally we had to move her into an Assisted Living facility for Alzheimer patients. She seems content and has not any complaints but it is very sad. I visit her every day I am off from work and she appreciates it but there is so little she can do anymore. we just spend some time together. Very frustrating.
Again, my condolences.
Neal