ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: yardtick on September 15, 2009, 05:13:16 pm
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I just wanted to let everyone know my FIL is know receiving dilantiin and haladol every 4 hrs via injection. Tonight a night nurse will be coming to the house to stay from 11pm until 7am. She will be administering an IV that will remain until he passes.
I have been having a very difficult time coping. He was a very uncaring and very cruel towards me when my Father passed in 1993. Emotionally I am a mess. I find it very hard to consol my husband. Louie is also having a hard time dealing with all of this. Louie's memories are worse than mine since the man is his Father. There has also been some very hurtful arguments between the siblings.
A week today will be my 25th Wedding Anniversary something that I am very proud of. I have this feeling that my FIL will either pass that day or he will be put to rest. It would be very fitting since all the trouble he caused during our engagement and the day of our wedding.
Please pray for me, that I make peace with him, my family and that his passing is peaceful because he is suffering.
Thank you,
Anne Marie
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Anne Marie: my heart goes out to you during this extremely difficult time. You & Louie hold on to each other through this. Know that you can celebrate your 25th Anniversary anytime within the year ! - it can give you both something to look foward to.
I believe you will forgive your FIL for your sake so YOU can be at peace - he is who he is, I would think it must be awful living life so miserably; unfortunately you & Louie have/had to deal with him, but this will soon be over.
Keep a peaceful heart my friend, Nancy
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AnneMarie... nothing I say will be of help, but please try to remember this.... in darkest days, there comes a shining light. Your FIL will, at long last, be at peace... and so will your heart and Louie's. His outward behaviours may be due to the lack of peace he seeks.... but, it will soon come to him.... and to you all. You and Louie will celebrate your VERY special day...... and just remember, like every day is Christmas or your birthday... remember to make every day your anniversary! :) Congrats on 25 yrs.
Sending prayers... healing prayers for all.
xoxo
Phyl
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AnneMarie, The loss of a family member can bring out a whole range of emotions and each family and family member has their own way of coping. Having not had a loving relationship with the dying person makes it very hard for them. I have seen in my working years the whole gamut of how it can be to a family. Phyl has said it very well and we will be thinking of you and hope you can not feel guilty for the range of emotions you are having now. You will be able to celebrate your own marriage and anniversary when it is right. I wish you and Louie being able to be good to each other and take care of each other during a not easy time. Peace to you and your family, Cheryl R
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Anne Marie -
Prays of peace for all of you.
And congratulations on the wedding anniversary - 25 years is quite an accomplishment.
Jan
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Anne Marie, I had a very difficult relationship with my first father-in-law. I completely understand your conflicting emotions. But I can also assure you that you will in time be able to find peace with his passing.
I hope that you and Louis continue to find solace in your loving relationship of 25 years.
You are all in my prayers.
Sara
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Anne Marie: my heart goes out to you during this extremely difficult time. You & Louie hold on to each other through this. Know that you can celebrate your 25th Anniversary anytime within the year ! - it can give you both something to look foward to. I believe you will forgive your FIL for your sake so YOU can be at peace - he is who he is, I would think it must be awful living life so miserably; unfortunately you & Louie have/had to deal with him, but this will soon be over.
Keep a peaceful heart my friend, Nancy
Sending more thoughts & prayers your way during this time...
Louie sounds like a terrific guy - so hang on tight!
Sincerely,
Sue
PS My congrats on your upcoming 25th anniversary! I believe you will know when the moment is right, and then you can celebrate!!
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Hi Anne Marie,
My thoughts are with you. In this difficult time you and your husband will find some way to make peace. It may be a slow process, but it will come. Emotions tend to change when you are dealing with someone's passing although your memories of the person may not have been positive. Congratulations on your anniverssary. You will celebrate it when the time is right. My prayers are with you and your family.
Vivian
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I to had a very mean and abusive ex FIL...Other then my ex hubby, all his children abadoned him...Knowing his background helped me understand him...exFIL came from an abusive family and didnt knew any better...But overall, it still was no excuse for the abuse he put his wife and children thru....My oldest son when he was five once asked why Grandpa didnt love him....In his last days he did try to make peace but there was so much hate, he died alone. I accepted his phone calls (having been divorced from his son for over 20 yrs) and just listened to him. I am glad I did as he passed away soon afterwards...and yes I did along with my oldest son attend his wake...
Please find it in your heart to forgive....forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is the power that breaks the chain of bitterness and the shackles of selfeshness.
My heart goes out to you and you will be in my thoughts...
JO
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Anne Marie - Oh, my dear, I am so sorry you and Louie are going through this. You just focus on taking care of yourself and Louie - the rest will work itself out and will end as it should.
hugs,
Debbi
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Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. :-*
Anne Marie
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Anne Marie ~
I'm late to the thread and can only add to the good thoughts already posted that forgiveness is for your benefit more than that of your father-in-law. He did whatever he did and he is responsible for his actions despite any justifications he may have made to himself or that others may have made for him. At the end of his life, you can treat him with kindness and put aside the hard feelings he generated, until he passes. Soon, he'll be in the hands of a loving God who's justice is perfect, unlike our very flawed human sense of justice. I hope your husband can forgive his father and try not to focus on what often amounts to wishing the man his father actually was had been something entirely different. He was what he was. He is responsible for his actions and attitudes. All you and Louie can do is make him as comfortable as possible and pray for him as his time draws to a close, as it will for us all, some day. Then, let the past go.
Congratulations on your upcoming 25th wedding anniversary. That certainly is a milestone and one you have every right to be proud of, especially today, when 'commitment' is often measured in months, not decades. I sincerely hope that day will be a joyful one for you and your husband and that you'll both let your father-in-law's passing from this life put to rest the long-held and very strong feelings of anger and resentment because they won't affect your father-in law and they won't change anything that happened. Try to let them be buried with Louie's father and move on with your lives. You guys deserve the happiness forgiveness and releasing animosity can bring. I pray that you'll find it.
Jim
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart Donnalynn and Jim.
Anne Marie oxox
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Anne Marie,
Praying for peace to you and Louie and all your family through this (yet another) tough journey.
This is the second death you've experienced this past year. I remember your last get away trip with Louie which was cut short with your aunt's (?) death.
Interesting how this is all happening around your 25th anniversary. Kind of like a full circle (or quarter of a circle!) with those mixed/angry emotions you've been dealing with all these years.
Praying for a sense of closure after this is all done. May take a while-years even, but find it in your heart to forgive. And enjoy your time with the ones you love.
Peace,
Maureen
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My father-in-law passed at 12:40 am today. We were all around the bed as he wished. Tuesday he is being laid to rest.
Anne Marie
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Anne Marie ~
I know this has been a struggle for you and your husband but you did what you could. Your late father-in-law is now in God's hands. Please accept my condolences for your loss.
Jim
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My thoughts and prayers are with you, Anne Marie.
May God's peace that passes understanding be with you and the rest of your extended family during this difficult time.
Sara
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I will be praying for peace and strength for you and your family during this difficult time. My MIL passed away just months before my son's wedding, making his special day a bittersweet time. We all missed her so much, and still drink a toast to her at every family gathering.
Priscilla
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AM~
May you feel the PEACE of Jesus during this time...
K
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time of need...
Jo
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Anne Marie -
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
My prayers go out to you, Louie, your sons, and the rest of your family.
Jan
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So sorry Anne Marie. Well wishes to your entire family. I hope you are able to comfort your husband at this difficult time.
(hugs)
Adrienne
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My thoughts are with you during this time. I agree with Jim, bury the anger and hurt with your FIL. Life is too precious to hold those feelings any longer. Peace be with you and your family. Alicia
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Thank you for all of your support. In a few short hours the mass will be said and he will be laid to rest. It has been a very long weekend for us. We have lost track of the day and date.
I am doing the second reading, one that is so very special to me. St Paul 1st Corinthians Chapter 13, verse 1-13. This was read at my wedding and at my Father's funeral so it has a very deep meaning in my life. I know first hand love does "endure all"
Anne Marie
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Anne Marie,
Hoping that you can all rest now and just "be." My sincere condolences and prayers for smooth healing.
Maureen
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Anne Marie,
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Louie, and your extended family during this time.
May God hold you in the palm of his hand and grant you peace.
Sincerely,
Sue
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Anne Marie,
Apologies for being late on this, but please accept our very deepest sympathies. May there be peace in his soul.... and peace in your heart (and Louie's) during this very difficult time.
thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Hugglez.....
xox
Phyl
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Anne Marie and Louie,
My deepest sympathies for your loss. I, too had a difficult relationship with my own mother. Years later I still work on understanding and forgiving--hope it will come to you as well.
Peace,
Capt Deb
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Thank you for all of your support. In a few short hours the mass will be said and he will be laid to rest. It has been a very long weekend for us. We have lost track of the day and date.
I am doing the second reading, one that is so very special to me. St Paul 1st Corinthians Chapter 13, verse 1-13. This was read at my wedding and at my Father's funeral so it has a very deep meaning in my life. I know first hand love does "endure all"
Anne Marie
For the benefit of those unfamiliar with the bible, specifically the Apostle Paul's first letter to the Christian church located in the Grecian city of Corinth - known today as the book of First Corinthians - this is the text (chapter 13, verses 1-13) Ann Marie refers to (New International version):
1. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10. but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
These words are as eloquent and meaningful today as when they were written, over 2,000 years ago.
Jim
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Thanks, Jim.
I am one of the unfamiliar and appreciate you posting this.
I've heard these verses before; just didn't realize they were First Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 1-13.
Jan
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Ann Marie,
Please accept my belated condolences on the loss of your father-in-law. I hope you, Louie and your sons are well and coming to terms with your loss. I know how difficult that can be since I had what I would term a love/hate relationship with my own father while he was alive. I hope you find peace in the love you have for one another and your friends and family. I also want to extend my congratulations on your 25 wedding anniversary -- an amazing accomplishment these days.
Wendy
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Thank you again for all of the support.
Jim, thank you :-*
Anne Marie