ANA Discussion Forum
Treatment Options => Microsurgical Options => Topic started by: Jeepers on June 18, 2009, 05:17:30 am
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My upcoming surg is scheduled on a Thurs, with all going well, a release on Monday. My brother, SIL and 2 nephews are planning to travel in from out-of-state (approx 5-1/2 hrs away), probably only staying a night. Because of all the reports about the "lost" first day or two post-op, I'm wondering if I should tell them to hold off coming in until Sat. My ex is coming in for the surg and to stay with me for the first 2 weeks, but my brother is my only immediate family. I understand his desire/obligation (?) to be there, but to travel in for almost 6 hrs to sit in a waiting room for, maybe, another 7 until I get situated in a room, then not quite in the most visitable shape, makes the practical side of me want to tell him to wait a day or so.
My ex will be taking me to the hospital (5am :o) and a friend of ours also wanted to drop by sometime during the wait to keep him company. I don't want to exclude or limit my brother, but the sensible side of me wants him to stay put for a day or two.
It might be that only my brother and (?) SIL would come in for the surg, with the boys following in on Sat. Don't you think it's best they all wait until Sat?
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knowing my surgery was going to be long, I sent hubby home. told him not to come back til thrus. Surgery wa Tues. I didnt want him waiting in a hospital nor travel in the following day just to watch me sleep. As my sister was close by, she popped in the night of surgery. I said a few words to her then went back to sleep. Knowing I would want to sleep, I made sure the family understood that it wasnt that I didnt want them there, just that it was pointless and I didnt want to feel obligated to entertain...And when I did have visitors other than hubby, it was for less then 10 mts....
JO ;D
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Jeepers .....
Everyone's wake-up from surgery is a little different, so I suspect we can only tell you of our own experience.
My husband took me to the hospital, with my sister (and a whole bunch of her friends throughout the day) following a short time later to be with him in the waiting room. I was totally unaware of any of them for the 5+ hours of surgery and several hours afterward. During the 24 hours in ICU I was only in and out of awareness and virtually no conversation with my family. Our daughter came from Atlanta on the next day (after I was moved to a regular room) and we enjoyed much better conversation by then. One of our sons came the day after that and they all took turns walking me up and down the halls.
As for your brother, it may be that he needs to be there ...... but you may not be very interested in talking for a day or two. Some of us had significant problems with double vision for several days, which meant keeping the eyes closed much of the time when not up walking.
Keep us posted.
Clarice
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Jeepers~
My original surgery was set for a Thursday and so my brother & his wife were to come on Wednesday night after work & stay thru the weekend. When I got strep & they postponed my surgery until the following Tuesday, it really threw a kink in their plans. I remember him REALLY struggling because he wanted to be there for the actual surgery - even though he couldn't do anything. Since we were all young and had just graduated university and had NEW jobs, they didn't have many days and so if he came for the surgery, he would have had to turn right around & go back. I used the same rational with him that you stated and in the end, he did wait and they came on Wednesday night (AFTER I'd had surgery on Tuesday) like they had originally planned and then were able to stay the weekend. He came up each morning VERY early to relieve my sweet hubby (who NEVER left the hospital at night - even when I was in ICU & they wouldn't let him in!). Even though we had TONS of family (& friends) he was the one to come & help out on the early morning shift - I think that was good for him & Dave.
Just my experience! I think I would throw that out there for your brother and then let him decide!
K
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This is an interesting Topic. I go in Monday at 6:00am for my surgery. My husband made the decision to head home or to work (about 1 hour away from the hospital) rather than feel like a caged animal in a waiting room. He feels he would do better if occupied. The phone is always there if he's needed. I'm glad to hear from Clarice that, for the most part, I won't be aware of his absence. I do have other friends, releatives, who want to hang out at the hospital. I'm not sure how satisfying an experience it will be for them? ;) I'll be unconscious.
Miss Molly
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Maybe this is a bit passive-aggressive, but I would kind of want someone close to me to want to be there (i.e., "Of course I'll be there waiting ... how could I not?"), but that being said, I would like to be the practical one and tell them it's ok - they can/should go home, at least for part of the surgery. You all are right ... once under, we don't know who's where ... so maybe it's just a comfort level pre-op.
The more I think about it and based on your responses, I'm going to tell my brother and fam to wait and my ex that he should feel free to come and go, especially during the mid-surg hours - but the hospital is also only 10-15 min away.
I've done the waiting room gig when my then-hubby was operated on. Bore-ring. Plus there was a problem and no one came in to tell me as I sat there into the evening, the only one left, after every other "waiter" was called to see their relative :(
Cell phone makes things so much more accessible too, as long as someone isn't too far away.
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Hi J .....
Echo-ing Clarice and Miss Molly, I was out of it for a long time, following my 9-hr surgery. And during that post-op time, I barely remember seeing only one guy ... my bro-in-law ... before I got into my double-room. (I just hope I didn't say something I should not have :o, or unknowingly flash someone :o :o )
Depending on what area of the country you are in for your surgery, perhaps there might be one or more AN-ers from this forum that might be able to volunteer to visit during and just after your surgery .... to talk to your visitors, or to just be there.
Best to you!
Greg
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Jeepers ~
I think you're on the right track with your decision to have the relatives wait until Day 2 to visit, based on the reality that you'll be in surgery most of the day and will be very groggy and sleepy for some time afterward. Their proximity to the hospital is also a factor. They can be there quickly, should that become necessary - which it probably won't. Good call.
Jim
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Jeepers ~
I think you're on the right track with your decision to have the relatives wait until Day 2 to visit, based on the reality that you'll be in surgery most of the day and will be very groggy and sleepy for some time afterward. Their proximity to the hospital is also a factor. They can be there quickly, should that become necessary - which it probably won't. Good call.
Jim
Thanks, Jim! :)
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The first night I didn't care -- it's more if it's going to help your family feel better to see you. They can maybe sleep easier (depending on their personality) if they lay eyes on you and see that you are not crying out in pain, are resting peacefully, etc. My aunt did that and eventually went back to Seton to sleep that night. As for during the surgery, in the age of cell phones, they don't need to be "right there" (you won't be awake anyway obviously). Since I was out of town it wasn't really an issue, but I didn't feel a need for a full waiting room!
(The next two nights, when I was out of ICU but still pretty high maintenance, my aunt slept in the room with me and that was really nice. I was a little fevered and felt almost panicky sometimes when I woke up, and knowing I could ask someone for ice, or to help me get a nurse -- to just be able to close the outer door for some quiet, yet not be alone, was priceless. But I'm a first-time patient -- once I had confidence that the nurses were prompt, and I felt sentient enough to ask for what I needed, I was fine alone.)
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Hi Lilan!!
Glad to see you up and about. It sounds like all went well with your surg. I bet you're looking forward to coming back to wonderful Chicago!
Good going, girl!! :)
Jeepers
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I recommend having someone there in case you need something like ice chips and to help you get comfortable after the surgery. I really recommend a notebook that people can keep track of meds and time for meds. When we would get a new (nurse) shift my wife could quickly check the notebook on when the last time I had meds. This helped me one time when they were late getting my steroids and my wife had it written down.
Also, During my time I really did not want to see anyone and the medicine made me a little mean. So I would just tell them to hold off and a few days later when you are better to have them swing by.
Just my two cents. By the way keep a couple of socks close to the bed in case your feet get cold.
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Jeepers,
FWIW, my surgery was on a Thursday morning and I don't recall anything vividly until about Saturday or Sunday. From my experience, those that want to come to the hospital or into town aren't really there to help YOU, but there because they have to feel like they're doing SOMETHING. They want to be helpful or at least appear to be helpful because it makes THEM feel better.
Someone wanted to do something for Jenni before my surgery.. Typical Jenni, she told them "no, really, it's okay". Someone else piped up to Jenni and told her "how dare you take that away from them.. they're doing it for THEM not you." It rang really true that people by and large will do things "for you" or "for your spouse" when in reality it's because it makes them feel useful.
My vote is to let your brother come in when HE feels compelled to. Let him know up front that you will likely not be "with it" enough to even realize that he's there, but if it makes HIM feel better to come in on Thursday and just sit around waiting, then so be it.
Hope that helps...
Regards,
Brian