ANA Discussion Forum
Post-Treatment => Cognitive/Emotional Issues => Topic started by: kenneth_k on November 18, 2011, 09:31:54 am
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Dear friends.
This AN journey has been a tough one. Now my family doctor thinks I'm Bipolar Type II. I think he is correct. Due to suicidal ideation I'm pretty desperate. Anyone out there, who has been on the verge of break down. What did you do to cope?
Kenneth
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Kenneth, I'm sorry that I can't help you with coping mechanisms, but I can tell you I am very sorry and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Does your doctor recommend counseling or medication, perhaps both? Please follow his advice and come here to connect any time you need to.
Take care and God bless,
Sara
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Kenneth,
I am so sorry that you are having a rough time. Has your doctor referred you to an approprate professional? I am glad that you talked to your doctor. Please continue to reach out. Do you have a support system? Family, church?
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Kenneth,
I don't know that I was near a breakdown or if I had one but a few years back things were really rough. There were to many bad things going on at the same time. Dealing with the long term tumor issues, husbands job not going well plus we weren't working the same shifts, oldest son not keeping in contact with us and youngest son in the Military(worried about him & he didn't seem to need me anymore).
I went into what I consider a major panic attack. I was alright when I was outside but I couldn't be in my own home unless my husband was there too! I told him this and he worked with me. I began obsessive compulsive behavior, checked and rechecked the door to make sure it was locked, etc. checked and rechecked my work at work wish isn't good when the customer is waiting for you to wrap things up so they can leave. Coworker noticed, luckily I was able to get through it before it became an issue. I slept a lot on the weekends. One weekend I wanted to go to a neighbors funeral but I just couldn't seem to get up and get going. It was a dark and dreary day. As I laid there in bed I recalled the good times I had with my neighbor, his wife and my kids. I knew how much his wife wished he was still with her, still living, what I was doing wasn't living. I decided then and there that the least I could do for his wife was to go to her husbands funeral. When they asked if anyone wanted to say anything I stood up and told his wife what they had meant to me and how lucky I was to have them as neighbors. Believe it or not that was the end of my major panic attack. A friend told me later that she thought I had a break down. I still have small panic attacks now and then but I just take a deep breath and remind myself that I made it through it once and I can do it again. Then it passes.
I don't know exactly what you are going through but I just wanted to let you know that others go through similar things and get through it. Take Care and keep us posted, Jill Marie
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Hey Kenneth,
This is a shot in the dark... have you ever heard of Kundalini yoga? It's a wonderful yoga practice for the endocrine system. I believe that these tumors and the surgery to treat them wreak havoc on the endorcrine system, the subtle nervous system that deals with mood and emotion.
I would like to suggest seeing if you can find a Kundalini yoga class near you. Bipolar is simply a label -- and it may be a misdiagnosis. Don't let it defeat you. You've been through alot already. Hang in there. Here's a link about Kundalini which may be helpful:
http://bipolar.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=bipolar&cdn=health&tm=28&gps=344_528_1436_684&f=10&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//swiftweb.com/ha/kun.html
BTW... if you are not sleeping, sleep deprivation can also make you feel psychotic. Hope this info proves helpful.
Best,
Lisa M
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Kenneth, first off, hang in there. Second, get in touch with both a psychologist and psychiatrist. You need to make sure you have an accurate diagnosis. There are meds that can help with bipolar. Both my wife and sister are bipolar. My oldest son is schizophrenic and bipolar.
There are a number of coping mechanisms, but the most important is having a support system made up of people you can talk to openly. Always let the people who care about you know how you are feeling.
-Tod
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Kenneth -
sorry to hear this.
I'm with Tod - make sure you get an accurate diagnosis by the appropriate medical professional. Not to knock family doctors, but they aren't the most qualified to diagnosis illnesses like this.
Also, don't hesitate to get on some meds and look into therapy.
Hang in there. We're all thinking of you,
Jan
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Kenneth ~
Like everyone else that has posted, I'm very sorry to learn of your struggles. I also agree that you should be referred to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist to be evaluated to determine if you are bi-polar. That is a fairly common problem for many (I have friends dealing with it via medication) so I know it's definitely treatable. Meanwhile, coping should be individualized. What works for me may not work for you - or anyone else. However, ridding yourself of unnecessary stress should be obvious. That includes 'friends' that can upset you and, yes, sometimes avoiding family situations that can get tense. Also try to avoid short-term 'solutions' that inevitably lead to bigger problems, later. As much as you can, look forward, not backward and never forget that everything in life is temporary and the way things are today will not necessarily be the way they are tomorrow or next week - or next month. There is always a better day ahead - if we look for it. Try to do that and know that as you struggle, you're in the thoughts and prayers of many folks you've never met but that care about you and that you're going through some dark days, now. These days will pass and you'll be O.K. again. Just allow that to happen.
Jim
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Hi Kenneth
Along with everyone else I am very sorry you are experiencing this. For the last 22 months, since my surgery, life has definitely been the hardest I've ever experienced.
My daughter was recently diagnosed with a mood disorder nos(kind of a pre-bipolar), she saw both the psychologist and psychiatrist that others are also recommending. The psychiatrist mentioned that symptoms tend to be much worse around the fall and especially the spring equinox. That was obvious in my daughter, our whole life changed September 19th. She has started medicine two weeks ago and her teachers who know nothing about the meds or diagnosis have repeatedly told me how well she is doing and she's much happier. There is hope :)
God Bless and comfort you
Jennifer
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Hi Kenneth,
You have been through one heck of an experience! It is no wonder you so affected emotionally. I had terrible time after my first surgery in 1988 and for years struggled with depression and suicidal ideation but fortunately never carried out those plans. I have tried some psychoactive medications but could never stick to them because of side effects. What works for me as mood stabilizer is cod liver oil. I read that people with bipolar take it as an adjunct to their medication regimen and in many case can either achieve total control of their disorder or cut down on medication eliminating side effects.
I take Carlson cod liver oil. On the label it says to take one teaspoon per 50 lbs of body weight. I would have to take 2.5 teaspoons according to those instruction but I take 2 and it is still effective. It is a blood thinner, however, so it does have a potential to create problems in some people.
I also have to mention that it carried me through all the horrible times after the second surgery. Even though the surgery itself went well, all hell seemed to break loose in my life. Everything just fell apart. The worst thing was the death of my mother 3 months after surgery. The timing was awful. I also felt I had no support from my family and lost a few friends. There were other things, too. Well, cod liver oil somehow made me function without depression and suicidal ideation. Sure, I grieved but I could also think clearly and rationally and function in real life.
Whatever you try, hope it works! Best of luck!
Eve
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Thank you for all the replies.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist at the local center for affective disorders on december 8th. Furthermore, I'm working part time for a couple of months.
I've also read a book by prof. Paul Gilbert - Overcoming depression. It contains a lot of usefull information and exercises. I try to cope. This may sound weird, but the AN was actually easier to deal with than these painfull ups and downs and anxiety attacks.
Kenneth
Oh yes, I forgot. I'm also getting plenty of meds. Venlafaxin, Diazepam and Seroquel. Apparantly it isn't the right combination. That's why my familiy doctor send me to a psychiatrist. To find the right combination.
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So glad to hear that you are taking action.
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Hi Kenneth! Life is one big challenge, especially the ones we have within ourselves...Hang in there and never give up because there is usually always a remedy which we have to find. I try to start off everyday with good nutrition, supplements, exercise, prayer and thinking positive. I`m far from perfect so this in itself is a big challenge for me. Everything will fall into place... Try to enjoy this wonderful time of the year...Many prayers are with you, Mickey
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Kenneth, you don't sound weird at all. Many people mentioned (myself included) that AN is nothing comparing to the big mess your life becomes afterwards. Mickey is right, though: giving up is not an option. Everything is relative; there are worse situations (and illnesses) in life. We'll get through it!
Eve
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Kenneth,
I am soory you are going through such a rough time. My mom was depressive for about 5 years and then became bipolar and refused to be treated- her last 10 years of her life she alienated everyone who tried to help her. I am so glad you are going to see a psychiatrist and I hope you will also consider seeing a psychologist or counselor for additional therapy. It can often take a few trials and errors until the right combination of meds is found. And if you are diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, they should also put you on a mood stabilizer. As a nurse I believe that it takes a combination of medication, therapy and the support of friends and family to get through this. Most important, this is treatable and the fact that you are reaching out to share this with all of us, is a huge step in the right direction. I know you will succeed in this journey, just take a deep breath and breathe deeply. Sending warm thoughts your way:)
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Kenneth, I am glad you are taking steps. I think you will be fine...if you can ask for help/guidance on your own, that is a big thing.
Best,
Tod
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I too am sorry to hear of your difficulties. The biggest decision at this important juncture is the right choice of therapists: Psyc. and Psychologist. I myself have been through many health issues in my lifetime but this AN problem has been by far the hardest, toughest road. What made it harder was my immediate family not really getting it. They haven't been there so this Forum and an understanding nurse practitioner at Georgetown have saved me from my darkest days. I take Cymbalta for Myfacial pain and probably being on that has helped me get through this on my own.
Please use every resource you can find here with us. We are here for you. Read up on the web of all the therapists you are considering so that you can be put in the right direction as soon as possible. My prayers are with you.
Mei Mei
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The psychiatrist is making a plan which must be approved by the head psychiatrist (no pun intended ;))
They will check my blood work and start me out on Lamotrigine. Then I will be on four different meds. I guess that will be great fun. When the Lamotrigine shows signs of working, they will ease me off the antidepressants. Apparently, they are a part of the problem. I also have to quit the Diazepam. Maybe that will be tricky?
Happy holidays,
Kenneth
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I'm still here ;)
Medications are still not working as they should, and depending on my bloodsample, the dose will be increased.
However, I have rediscovered God in my own way. And we are both happy that I'm still around.
Just thought you all should know.
Best regards, Kenneth
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Hi Kenneth
I'm happy to know you're both still around, I hope you are starting to find some relief with your med increase. Blessings :)
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Hi Kenneth,
Gosh, it's comforting for me to hear that what I have been going through is not abnormal. That's what you have to remember too.
I find that I don't even like to go out to events that I used to live for, because I am tired of explaining that I can't hear out of this ear and why. I prefer the quiet or just time with friends that are thoughtful enough to stand on my left side.
I have been going to a therapist for my emotional issues, I take Zoloft for depression, and I have Xanac for my panic attacks. (which I have often).
I am not a selfish person but I guess I do feel somewhat sorry for myself. I returned to work 2 1/2 months after my surgery and should not have. I was still learning to walk. But my spouse insisted that it was best to get back on the horse! I am a high school teacher and it has been an extremely difficult year. I also get tired of hearing my family comment about how tired I am all of the time. But on the plus side, besides being a survivor of course, is that I sleep like a baby. Can't hear any of the snoring, radio/tv, or talking going on. Now as a unique form of payback, I have developed snoring!!! Mostly from the fact that my right nostril has collapsed almost completely blocking air flow. Another side effect to add to the list. So there is my whining for the day.
We all have to stick together and realize that we are dealing with a very rare tumor and I am sure it must be difficult for doctors to explain to us what to expect. It's nice to be able to share with people who care. So you hang in their Kenneth! There is nothing wrong with you or me! It's just that people don't know what we are going through. So I will continue to smile my crooked smile and turn my head to hear and enjoy all of the goodness I can from these amazing teenagers I teach everyday! Best of luck to you!