ANA Discussion Forum
Post-Treatment => Post-Treatment => Topic started by: Catflower on November 25, 2008, 11:30:43 am
-
I was just wondering how others handle the many social situations this time of the year. How do you bow out gracefully if you just can't stand the overstimulation of large crowds and lots of noise. It must sound like a really bad excuse to "normal" people. My husband has a large, loud family and they really frown on my not participating in get togethers. Hubby says he understands.
Linda
-
Linda~
I would (& have) always been VERY honest. There are hardly any situations that I turn down because of "noise" but I have had to curb some activities because I just get too tired if I try to do way too much - I have to kind of pace myself. I don't let that person know that I am choosing another activity over theirs, I just make it sound like that on a certain night/time, I will be too tired!
Another option is to go to the event and just leave early...Good Luck!
K ;D
-
Linda:
I haven't had a big issue with this specific problem as we have a fairly small family but on the few occasions a situation like this has arisen, I've simply done as Kay recommended and left early. I think it's optional whether you wish to cite your AN-related deficits or simply say you're tired or whatever seems plausible and is relatively honest, without going into a too-involved explanation. This way, you've shown up, 'participated' (meet and greet, have a drink, snack, etc) and still can escape before you're overloaded. I think it's the best compromise between fomenting family discord or messing yourself up with sensory overload. If your husband understands, he should help run interference for you with his family on those occasions when you try to exit gracefully from a too-noisy familial gathering.
Jim
-
Linda,
I don't have hearing issues, but other issues that make me want to turn down ALL social invitations. (Food on my face, wine dripping on my chin, stuff like that.) I have forced myself to go, more often in fact than I did pre-tumor, and I am almost always happy I did. I can't speak to the noise issue but I'm sure others will chime in. Don't deprive yourself of a social life if you can, it turns out that it really helps restore a feeling of normalcy. That being said, I understand the instinct to want to stay home, cocooned and safe. Hang in there.
Best,
Marci
-
Hi Lnda,
The only loud, noisy events I've had experience with so far is going out to restaurants, which I do find can become slightly unpleasant if it is too noisy. I now have one favorite restaurant -- the dining room is broken into two separate rooms, floors are carpeted and the ceiling has what I thiink might be acoustic tiles so maybe the owner is noise sensitive too -- either that or extremely considerate of his patrons. I won't say the restaurant is quiet, but moreso than most. Tomorrow will be a test of sorts -- Thanksgiving at my brother's house with about 30 people. Thankfully only three are small children, but kids are kids and do make noise, plus that many people in a medium sized house is bound to be loud. If it gets on my nerves I'll probably go outside for a while and even (unheard of for me) possibly leave early. Mostly, I'm looking forward to seeing everyone all at once but I guess the experience could turn out not to be what I'm hoping for. Everyone usually comes to my house for dessert on Christmas (I used to host the whole dinner but this is what everyone wants/needs to do), so Thanksgiving will give me a glimpse of what that will be like this year.
Wendy
-
Look into getting some ear plugs.... not to get rid of all the noise totally... just to reduce it !
I was at my wife's company x-mass party last year... and she asked me not to stand with my legs so far apart and that I always do that... ... I kinda looked at her strange and it hit me... I've been doing this for YEARS... to help my balance without realizing it! ... (plus with a few drinks in me) ... I needed the wider stance to compensate for the poor balance!
ps... her friends and co-workers were all standing around the band!! .. the sound level was off the scale... I hated it... plus I could not take part in any small talk... I finally wandered off .. once dinner started I was fine....
-
Linda,
I totally understand your issue with loud noisy places. I went to a conference for work back in October and it was awful. The ceilings were high which seems to make the "white" noise worse and it was crowded at times with everyone talking at once. I couldn't focus on what anyone was saying. I just could hear it. Thank goodness I had a co-worker with me to translate. She would just repeat things into the good ear.
I think Kaybo was on the right track by suggesting that you just be honest and explain the difficulty in these environments. That way you could stop in briefly to see everyone and then graciously bow out early.
Susan
-
Hi DonnaLynn,
You sound a lot like me. I hate turning down social invitations and just can't do it. I love being around people, my girlfriends, parties, etc. But I do find that after a couple of hours, I do start getting tired of "working at hearing". Because it is work, in the busy social enviroments...even homes with regular ceilngs and carpeting with 25-30 people. I can tell I'm getting tired because when I don't understand something, I find that I stop asking them to repeat it and just smile along or act like I knew what they were saying with the look on my face, or whatever. I haven't told many people yet.
The only social occassion that I really hesitate is in ballrooms with 200+ people having dinner. I went to my son's H.S. fundraiser a few weeks ago at a luncheon/fashion show. I was really ready to leave that after about 90 minutes, could hardly understand the ladies sitting next to me. But I still go. I think I would be depressed isolating myself, while this is just an annoyance sometimes.
Anyway, I'm off to another large social gathering at a home today....a cookie exchange. Those are so fun!
I'm still waiting to talk to Phyl's doc at BI, then make my decision as to where I go there or Stanford. I'm getting closer to having something done and a bit more scared because of that decision.
Talk soon. Tisha
-
Linda,
You are welcome to come to my house - it will help you develop a tolerance for loud noise - 4 kids, 2 dogs...trust me - lots of noise. After a while you'll learn to block it all out!
I haven't really turned down any social invitations, but I will admit that I've used the hearing/facial/fatigue issues as an excuse to avoid some that I really didn't want to go to in the first place. ;)
Everyone has a limit to how much stimulation they can handle before feeling awful, so before you hit your limit, you can always make an early departure, or excuse yourself and head to a quieter room. At least that way you made an appearance.
Lori
-
I'm really going to test all of the great advice you great folks have given me. My step-daughter is having a combination birthday party next Saturday. My step-grandson will be 3 on December 22 and my step-granddaughter will be one on December 7.
Linda
-
I say stay for the cake and then while the kids are all enjoying their sugar rush, you sneak out the back door! :D
Lori
-
I say stay for the cake and then while the kids are all enjoying their sugar rush, you sneak out the back door! :D
Lori
That is exactly my plan ;D
Linda
-
Linda -
I think the solution here is to show up for the amount of time you find tolerable and then make a graceful exit - or just sneak off when no one is looking - depending on the situation ;)
Don't let SSD get the better of you and make you cut yourself off from social functions that you typically enjoy; it can lead to depression and feelings of isolation.
Just choose your social invitations wisely and you'll be fine.
Hope the birthday party is fun.
Jan
-
i'm with jan, don't let SDD defeat you, play it to your advantage and know some "tricks" so you can still enjoy social functions.
i usually hang out on the "outskirts" of the conversation where noise volume is usually lower - and do small conversations with 2-3 people. I also "check out" the table seating before the party or meeting, so i can position myself strategically. And if it really gets too loud, i will whip out my earplugs ;D
don't think too much about it, go with the flow and enjoy the company and food. have a good holiday!
-
That has been a frustration for me for sure. It doesn't even have to be all that noisy...just a few conversations going on at once causes me problems. Meetings at work became an issue for me when occasionally more than one person would be talking. The sentences just get mixed up. I wasn't embarassed at all to ask folks to keep it to one speaker at a time.
Social situations with music are very tough. I don't let it stop me though...my wife and I love to dance. The funkier the better. We just can't talk on the dance floor.. ;D. Again, I just tell folks I'm 1/2 deaf and ask them to repeat something if necessary. Frustrating for sure but I'm not going to let it stop me from enjoying myself.
The tips here are all good. When seating for dinner or a meeting I always position my hearing ear to best advantage. If need be I'll even ask someone to give me their seat and explain why. My wife always sits to my right and if she thinks I didn't hear something that was asked of me will repeat it for me. All my friends and colleagues now know that i need to seat so that I can hear.
-
Hi Stoneaxe!
It's nice to have a spouse that knows you well enough to help you out in these situations. My husband does the same thing. He knows the look on my face when I didn't quite catch something and will come to my rescue.
Glad to hear you don't let the 1/2 deafness stop you from bustin' a move on the dance floor! :D As long as you don't bust anything else! :o
Lori
-
Hi Stoneaxe!
It's nice to have a spouse that knows you well enough to help you out in these situations. My husband does the same thing. He knows the look on my face when I didn't quite catch something and will come to my rescue.
Glad to hear you don't let the 1/2 deafness stop you from bustin' a move on the dance floor! :D As long as you don't bust anything else! :o
Lori
LOL...I do have to know when my head is working. Could give a whole new meaning to break dancing... ::). One thing I really do hate is going to a good event with a good DJ or band and my head is taking lefts....limiting me to slow dancing at best.
-
I avoid noise at all costs >:( :(, crowd noises for me are worst than work. Makes my ear buzzzz off the charts, which IMO starts my 5th nerve to vibrate, which starts the headache process. Forehead aching, teeth start to ache, next level stabing forhead pain, light starts bothering me, teeth pounding, and pain behind my right eye. Next level "MIGRAINE" >:( :(
areas I avoid: Concerts, Totally out of the question. Movies rarely go if I do I got an ear plug shoved so far down my ear it hurts. Any type of crowd noises in contained area. race track it out, No loud TV's, radio's, had to selll my truck cause the exhaust was too loud. (need a new one anyway) Can't listen to the radio in my truck, if I do it got to be so low you can hear it when up to highway speed. :(
-
I turn down social invitations all the time and I don't like it. I always have been involved in community activities,charities.gone to concerts,movies parties......they all are sooooo disturbing to me now with the noise factor. During the holidays with my own family here....I was darn near crazy...grandchildren on the Wii......son on the piano......all the goings on in the kitchen.....the girls laughing and talking. These are things I have always enjoyed so much....I finally retired to my room ( they understood) but how sad it is to have to do that in order to be comfortable.
So many things that I took instride now just drive me to distraction.....can't cope......concentrate....keep the perspective.....it's not the real me I say.....BUT it is the real me.....this is how I am now (4 years out from CK) I fall to pieces with the least things......thank heavens for two strong sons and their wives. I require peace and quiet.....no demands....do only what is comfortable for me, to live with some kind of order. I have been a widow for 13 years....own 2 large companies that require my attention(they can't run on auto pilot)......youngest son has really stepped up and doing a great job to be the front runner and I am so blessed to have him......he saves me daily from conflicts etc. I wonder where did my life go? I try to stay in contact with women friends and neighbors.....do things by myself that I enjoy.....just a quiet drive in the country will do it sometimes...........Guess we all just gotta keep on keepin' on........we're alive......so there's hope for a better day!