General Category > AN Issues
Mourning your good health when it disappears
Pembo:
I was 35 when I had surgery and yes I would definitely say that I have and still do mourn my good health and the life I had "before". I put up a great act and most everyone in my real life has no idea how difficult this adjustment to my "new normal" is.
Yes it was benign, yes I did recover, but I still live with the notion that it could return. I still live with facial problems and deafness. My day to day life has changed and most days I accept it and just live but there are those days, even 3 years later, where I get mad or sad or just damn frustrated.
Jim, you are lucky. The grief process is different for everyone and that's what makes us unique.
Phyl, thanks for the link.
pearl:
I am new to the site and turned here for help or confirmation about my status three months after my AN surgery. I lost all hearing in my right ear and still have ringing, dizziness and fatigue. Prior to the surgery I was very physically active. But to complicate the AN I also had a pituitary tumor. Because that one was an emergency, I had that surgery first (they removed it through my nose). I had two trips to the hospitals with that one in April 2006. Then I had a follow-up MRI in September 2006, which showed that the AN had grown from a small to mid-size tumor. I had that surgery (above the ear approach) Dec. 4, 2006. It's 3 months later and I've geared back up at work, and have tried getting back into yoga (which used to be a mere chaser to a heavier workout). But I'm very tired, and can get depressed, especially since my very active husband seems ready for me to gear back up on every level and I'm just not up to it. One doctor prescribed a variety of medications to help with the on-going dizziness. I quit the diuretic after a few days because the side effects were so bad. I do take meclizine once and a while but it makes me tired. The drug I have not started that she prescribed to help with dizziness and balance is Lexapro, which is an anti-depressant. I just read the side effects and they seem to include all the symptoms I already have so I can't get too excited about starting with those. I'm interested in learning about others' experiences in general and with any of these medications. Thank you.
jerseygirl:
Pearl,
This is quite a story you have here! When you say the pituitary tumor was removed through the nose, I presume it means endoscopically. When I had my first surgery at NYU in 1988, I saw a number of pituitary patients, and ,OMG, I almost felt privileged to have had an AN rather than pituitary tumor. The old fashioned approaches to remove pituitary those days were horrific, the patients had all kinds of problems, all of them. I am so happy that everything worked out for you.
If you have any residual endocrinological problems, that could be contributing towards your fatigue. As most ANers know, fatigue in turn, increases balance problems and tinnutis. So, you might have more going on here than somebody with just one AN. I also had problems with just about all medications ever prescribed. However, the antidepressant is absolutely worth trying because it increases your coping skills to the level where it offsets any increases in tinnutis and anything else. Keep in mind that you might have to play around with a dosage and might even want to try half of a minimum dosage. It worked for me better than a regular one. Also, there are many anti-depressants now on the market, so don't give up and explore that possibility fully. It has a huge potential to help you rebuild your life.
For me, tinnutis has been helped by Gingko Biloba. It was an accidental finding as I took it to help with memory. I know the studies have been inconclusive but if it works for me than it is very significant, both statistically and realistically. You have to be careful with it if you have a tendency to bleed easily or are on any blood-thinning medications because it might prolong bleeding. Also, not every brand works for me. Ginkoba and Solaray do but Trader Joe's barely does it. I stick with Ginkoba because it has been used in a few trials.
Regarding exercise, I discovered that I never felt like I had any energy to start but if I did anyway, I felt better and the effect was cumulative, that is, after a few months, I felt A LOT better. I had to learn though that I could not push myself like before and had to take it slowly.
Best of luck to you and keep us posted!
Eve
Dealy:
Phyl and ANA Gang: I read this thread this morn and had too reflect on it all day. I remember as a young man where money and prestige etc. was the most important thing in my life. However-without your health-what do you really have-nothing. How many people have had to learn the hard way-including myself. So all the money-prestige means nothing too me now. I have had 2 years to reflect since my initial diagnosis. People expect you too be well today. That is how our society is become-quick fix. Look at the commercials on TV. Their is a pill almost for every condition and they act like-you take this and you will be good as new. What a sell job. That is why I now condone that we should always tell our friends-family-and yes even our enemies that we loVE them because we never know if this will be THEIR last day or not. I like this forum because people like you PHyl-you can tell you really care about people. I was so sad too hear about the lady from Boston.. Now her job is secondary. When I was getting treatment at Johns Hopkins we had too wait in the Oncology ward for our turn on radiation machine. One day I heard this scream and moan from down the corridor. In almost 10 minutes they were wheeling this patient WHICH i could not tell if they were male or female-because this person had chemo and then radiation and obviously was in pain-now my AN problem seemed pretty minor at that time. What comes first for me now is #1 My God and #2 MY family-the rest you can all leave behind as straw. Thanks always for your input and concern-and thanks for you all for letting me say what is really in my heart for all on this group no matter your current status. WE ARE FAIMLY AND ALL ARE ONE-THANKS-RON
Jim Scott:
Pembo:
I would agree with you that we all mourn differently and that I'm 'lucky' in that I've adjusted to losing my formerly excellent hearing in one ear - with all the ramifications that brings - and that I no longer have the same level of stamina that I had prior to my AN diagnosis and surgery/radiation in '06.
A lot of that ability to adjust is based on the fact that I'm a Christian and so, do not consider my mortal life on this earth to be the whole of my being. However, I usually avoid mentioning this because I know we have a diverse membership and I do not wish to veer off into 'religious' debates. In addition to spiritual factors, I'm otherwise healthy, have a very stable marriage (37 years) and 'support system', which, as we all realize, is a genuine asset in the recovery process.
As I mentioned, I certainly did mourn the loss of my near-perfect health but my faith, my work and family situation along with my age and the perspective that gave me all combined to allow me to adjust and move on and enjoy the years I have left, which I expect to be many (my father lived to age 92). :) I also realize that a younger person will have a different perspective but the fact remains that at some point, one must 'adjust' to reality and to refuse to do so is detrimental to our full recovery. I'm just saying.
Jim
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