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Mourning your good health when it disappears
ppearl214:
Hi all,
I found this interesting and wanted to share it all with you. It really points out that regardless of what life-altering diagnosis can be given, we all must mourn our good health when it leaves us.....
Kelley Tuthill is a well-known tv news reporter with the local ABC affiliate here in Boston. Days before Christmas, 2006, she was diagnosed, at the age of 36, with Stage III breast cancer. She has 2 daughters, one under the age of 1. She has lived a wonderful life and like many of us, was completely caught off-guard with her breast cancer diagnosis.
Kelley has been keeping a written and video "diary" of her progress. She has an extremely difficult road ahead of her and many in the local viewing area (as well as afar) have been cheering her on.
In reading her most recent diary update, she speaks of mourning our good health. Yes, we try to put on a good front and keep our chin up.... and we also tell each other it's ok to have the bad days as well.... and she really touches this point in her diary entry. She also notes how Anne Romney (wife of Presidential hopeful, Mitt Romney) did the same with her M.S. diagnosis.
I share this diary entry with you now (if you want to read more of Kelley's diary entries, just click the top link to "Health"... you'll see it there) in hopes that AN newbies willl see that there is a mourning process we must go through when we are given a life-altering diagnosis. We are truly fortunate that AN's are not malignant and as for what Kelley is enduring, we can only hope that she does well for the year that lays ahead for her. I hope you all find the inspiration in her words as I have... and reminding myself that yes, even though we have this AN diagnosis, we can surely mourn the loss of our good health... it just comes with the territory. Please remember that life does go on with an AN diagnosis... and although we may need to be monitored for the rest of our lives, we can still thrive... as I hope Kelley does as well. Her road is going to be a tough one.....
Here is the link to Kelley's recent diary entry. Thank you for letting me share it with you.
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/health/11114790/detail.html
Phyl
Jim Scott:
Thanks, Phyl.
I haven't had the time to devote to a full reading/viewing of Kelley Tuthill's diary, but I'm certain it's interesting. I'll take the time to peruse both the video and written sections in a few days. This weekend I'm 'booked' and won't be near a computer. I wouldn't have the time to use it, anyway.
I agree with the woman's characterization of 'mourning' the loss of good health. It must be especially difficult when you're relatively young and are diagnosed with a possibly fatal disease, as Ms. Tuthill was. Many of us were middle-aged or older (like me) when diagnosed with a benign brain tumor and although we might have been otherwise healthy, it was a bit of a shock to find we had a serious medical problem that had to be addressed. However, as one who had been able to avoid the usual physical maladies middle-age often brings, finding out that I had an acoustic neuroma tumor was a surprise, to say the least. However, as an optimist, I also was thankful that I made it to age 63 without any serious or life-altering medical problem and that what I had was benign and treatable. It wasn't very likely that I was going to die. When I compare my situation to that of a young woman being diagnosed with cancer, having a little child and a career in high gear, now on the back burner, I feel 'lucky'. I retired the year before my diagnosis, my son is grown, my marriage is stable and my health remains excellent, apart from the acoustic neuroma, for which I've been successfully treated.
Of course I wish I'd never had the thing (who of us doesn't?) and I resent some of the annoying after-effects of the surgery and radiation but, as I see it, I'm one of the 'luckier' AN patients. Luckier than a young mother with breast cancer and even luckier than some AN patients who post on this forum. So, yes, I do 'mourn' the loss of my former good health. I would love to be able to magically turn the clock back a few years and never have an acoustic neuroma. However, I can't, no more than Kelley Tuthill can in her breast cancer situation. That unpleasant reality long since confronted, I spend little time in 'mourning' and a lot in being thankful for what I have in the way of health and looking forward to getting even better, in time. In short, I accept my 'condition', deal with it and stay positive, refusing to allow it to define who I am. I would bet that Kelly Tuthill does something similar. I hope so.
ppearl214:
Thanks Jim for your words :) They truly do mean a great deal. I posted this as many newbies, who may have otherwise, overall good health, my run into this and as you so eloquently note, we do cherish the fact that, even after enduring all that we do with our AN diagnosis, treatment, etc, we do thrive and give thanks that we are doing as well as we are. I mourned my good health back in 1981 when I lost it.. and have learned since that life does go on... and thrilled to be a part of it, even if I am struggling with life's physical (and emotional) struggles.
You are a gem!
Phyl
(btw, middle age stinks... :) )
Patti UT:
Phyl & Jim,
I would have to agree on the staying positve and being thankful for what we have as Jim pointed out. However I think what Phyl is pointing out is that once your good health as you know it leaves you, along with many aspects of ones lifestyle (ie, physical activity etc) one really does need to take the time to mourn the losses.
I have 2 kids to take care of and a business I was anxious to get back to. In the attempt to get back to as normal as possible of my old daily routine, I found myself getting right back to it (at a much slower pace of course) almost without skipping a beat. I struggled with the "why" of not getting completely back to my old self for the longest time. ALthough I was back to taking care of the immediate needs of the day, I still was not the same. I lost so much of my ability to do the things I used to do (physical activity etc) I was feeling in a "stuck" place in my recovery. It was not until I stopped and really looked at my situation and realized I had relally lost many aspects of my lifestyle. And it was not until then that I worked through and allowed myself to mourn these "very real" losses that I felt as if I was pulled out of the "stuck" place and my recovery has been able to move forward. At that point is when I was able to fully accept the "new me" and start to move forward as the new me instead of dwelling on wanting back the old me. And all of this took place for me with the help of this forum. I owe you all about $100 bucks an hour for therapy LOL. I do feel that this experience really does define who we are now, to some extent
My Heartfelt Thanks to all on this forum.
Patti UT
Patti UT
ppearl214:
Patty, thank you for sharing that.. and yes, you clarified in better words than I did (btw, I'll take cash on that $100!) :)
Some of us are not that great in trying to state what we want into written words. For those that used the link to Kelly's journal/diary will see that yes, we do need to take that time to mourn the loss of our good health, but as Kelly notes, we mourn it, we miss our good health, but life does move on and we do well with it.
I know there are many newbies on the AN site recently that have expressed fear, confusion, anxiety, etc with their recent AN diagnosis... and this link was to share that yes, we have been dealt a blow to our good health and yes, we do need to acknowledge that our good health, as we have known it to be in the past, for many of us, does not exist anymore as we know it to be, but... boy oh boy, do we forge ahead.... and my hope is that recent newbies here will see that we do endure and live life to its fullest, even post AN diagnosis and treatments.
Ok, have not had enough coffee this am, but trying to elaborate.... I think I flunked.... sorry
Phyl
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