ANA Discussion Forum
Post-Treatment => Cognitive/Emotional Issues => Topic started by: Brewers7 on September 16, 2010, 08:12:31 am
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Went to marriage counseling yesterday with my husband of 17 years who admitted, as I suspected, that he was bored and would consider separation or divorce. I am devastated. He was my primary support through nearly 2 years of this, until the past couple of months. It seems like he is waiting for be to get better so that he can leave without feeling too guilty. What a box?
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Hi, I haven't been on the computer as much just read your post I am so sorry for the devastating news... In one way at least he went with you to the marriage counselor so hoping that maybe if you two can continue to go it might help and if the counselor seems not the right one try another... I know I have been through this myself.. If you need to vent you can PM me.
Best Wishes,
Pat
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Thank you Pat. He did agree to continue in counseling.
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Brewers -
don't want to be pessimistic here, but my ex and I tried marriage counseling twice before our divorce. Didn't do anything for us - but then again, I don't think he was really committed to it. If your husband is willing to go, it's a step in the right direction - but you both have to be willing to make changes to your marriage and to yourselves.
In the meantime, find the support you need to get you through your AN Journey - be it family or friends. It's crucial that you have someone to support you. Don't let your husband and his "boredom" define you.
Best,
Jan
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Hi, Susan ~
I know you've been through a lot with your AN and now, this. Of course I'm very sorry to learn about your marriage difficulties but the fact that your 'bored' husband is attending marriage counseling with you is encouraging. I won't attempt to offer marriage advice because the dynamic within a marriage is always unique to the individuals involved and one persons experience does not necessarily apply to another persons marriage and it's attendant problems. At this point, you have my sympathy and more important, my prayers that you and your husband can find common ground and repair whatever needs repairing so you can move on together as a couple.
Jim
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Thank you Jim and Jan. At first I was just trying to look at this as one more step in the healing process, but yesterday and today have been tough.
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Wishing you well in whatever goes on within your marriage but more focused on what goes on with your health. Please take good care of yourself because with a AN on your plate you have enough to handle with hope that your husband no matter what will stay supportive. In any case alot of good people out here wishing you feel as good as can be ASAP! Best wishes, Mickey
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I'm going to look at this as a person sitting behind my computer reading your post.
17 years and now he decides he is bored. That sucks.
Your feeling he has been waiting for you to get better so you won't be taken on too much at once. That's like mixed up to me. So is he nice or not? I mean it's like he is keeping this all pinned up inside and not been honest with you.
Everyone says their are two sides to every story. But since your a fellow AN er. And you listed two major points for your side. 17years and your getting over your AN. I'm on your side. ;D
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He was really good to me during the first year of crazy complications. I am really having a hard time understanding why now - my health has finally improved to a manageable point, at least.
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I agree with funnydream - in committed relationships, there are times when one or the other person has to suck it up and step up to the plate. It's also called "growing a pair".
This is NOT an acceptable time to drop the ball.
Sorry if that's harsh.