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An Acoustic Neuroma Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the forum,
Not a creature was stirring, there was perfect decorum,
The members were nestled all snug in their beds,
While sounds of tinnitus hummed in their heads;
When out on the website there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to Windows© I flew in a blink,
Tore open the browser and threw up the link.
The LCD monitor put out such a glow,
The luster of mid-day lit the postings below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature gurney, heaped high with gear,
With a little old doctor, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Doc Nick.
Each had their benefits that they could claim,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now CK! Now GK! And Trans-lab, don't fiddle!
"On Retro, on Sigmoid! Fossa, you're in the middle!
To the top of the stairs! to the end of the hall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the floor
The patter of footsteps, and a knock at the door.
As I lifted my head, and was turning around,
A nurse and Doc Nicholas came in with a bound.
He was dressed all in scrubs, from his head to his toes,
With a twinkle in his eye, and a cherry red nose,
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
"Here's an MRI with signs of necrosis!"
"Or how about a checkup with a tip-top prognosis?"
"I've got BAHAs, and Cross-Ears, and golden eye weights,
And tubes of great eye gel for all of your mates!"
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
"My facial palsy took years to get better,
Now no one's the wiser. And how about this sweater?"
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
Then laying his finger aside of his ear,
And giving a nod, he would soon disappear,
But I heard him exclaim, ere he vanished from sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
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Thank you for a much-needed laugh! That's very clever!
Merry Christmas!
Katie
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WOW Steve - as Phyl would say "You Rawk"!!! That was fantastic and thank you so much. Hubby came in to see what I was laughing about.
Sheryl
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Brilliant !!!! My family and I loved it !! Send a copy to the ANA editorial board to be published in the newsletter.
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Very Clever, Thank you and Merry Christmas. yes, I agree, it should be printed in the newsletter
patti ut
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Your poem is awesome and brought a bright spot to our Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone.
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Hi Steve!!
I laughed me Irish arse off!! Thank you, thank you!
Merry Christmas to all of my AN friends.
Kathy
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Wow!!! ;D ;D ;D
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Who knew we had a poet laureate in our midst?
That was the best poem I've ever seen!! Thanks for the good Christmas laugh!! i can't wait to show it to my family!
Enjoy and I hope Santa was good to everyone!
Lori
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WOW! 8) I'm impressed, now I know that there's hope for me after AN surgery. Maybe I will be able to write like afterward. [I don't guess it matters that I never have before does it?] ;D Thanks for the laugh.
Merry Christmas to All,
Annette
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You made my Christmas Steve!!, really lifted my saddened spirit. I especially liked the parts about the 'goop' & the little diddy on facial palsy. You didn't forget 'a one of us!!
Merry Christmas, always good thoughts, Nancy
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Annette - my doctor told me I would be able to do just about anything I wanted to after my surgery. I'm still waiting to be able to play the piano - but it hasn't happened yet. I think he should have specified I should have probably known how to play it pre-surgery before he told me I could do anything I wanted.
I haven't tried my hand at poetry yet, but I'm guessing I won't have any better luck with that - and besides, I know i couldn't outdo Steve!
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Steve,
I so enjoyed your poem. you are so incredibly clever! My husband and I had a good laugh,
Thank you for the gift
Merry Christmas to all
Jane
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I think we need to put Steve and Sue from Vancouver together and go into the publishing indsutry! Awesome job. Hope everyone had a great Christmas.
M
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Steve,
That was awesome!
My husband and I just love it.
Hugs to you.
Cheers,
4
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Thank you all for your kind words, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I think it needs a little editing before sending it to anyone. Who ever heard of a Cross-Ear? I assume I meant Trans-Ear, I'll check my notes on that. For the time being, I will be keeping my day job. :D
As for the next holiday, for now I'll just go with Happy New Year.
Steve
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(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/dancing_santa_lg_clr.gif)
Santa thinks your poem is groovy and so do I!!!
Thanks for the chuckle!!!
Capt Deb(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/yohohoho-2.jpg)
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Outstanding Steve !! This teacher gives you an A +++++++
Thanks for sharing with your AN family... my husband loved it too.
Margaret
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It's better than the original! I love it!!
Brenda
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Steve -
I just read your Christmas poem (was away for the holiday) and I think it's great. Maybe the ANA can sell Christmas cards with the poem printed on it next year; it might be a very successful fundraising project. Who knew you were SO talented???
Jan
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Steve......loved it! I'm impressed...that took a lot of thought!
Adrian
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I think that the poem was fantastic! Having just had my retrosig on 12/7, the humor of the poem all too real, and the creativity superb. Excellent work.
Bernie
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Let's bump this up to the top again, so that all the newbies can see how talented our own Moderator Steve really is!
Merry Christmas Steve!
Sue in Vancouver USA
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I, unlike you, Steve, don't have the right words...so Great Job is all I can say. That really was very clever! Thanks, Sue, for digging it how to share with all of us. Think it will need to be an ANA tradition.
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I love it! I, too, came aboard after Christmas last year so I had never seen it. What talents...peotry...knitting...what is next??
K
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Oh, didn't you get the memo that it's time for the ANA Rockettes to do the Christmas/Holiday Show! Okay girls, one, two, three, KICK! ;D
Actually, I thought The ANA was going to publish it in their newsletter, which is why I thought of this when you guys were saying that the latest newsletter was in the mail. They must have forgotten about it. Too bad, because it's brilliant! And I should know, because I'm the official Poet Lorry-et of the PBW crew, for Pete's Sake. ;) :D
Sue i n Vancouver, USA
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Yes, Sue...thanks for reviving this holiday gem! There are quite a few of us that missed it the first time around!
(Jan - I like the Christmas card fundraiser idea!)
Great job, Steve! :D
Nancy
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Steve:
Thanks...nice work! Your creativity has certainly put a smile on many faces. I'm one of them. :)
Jim
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That's absolutely brilliant. Only problem is now everyone will be looking forward to a new rendition every year! So how are you gonna top this in 2009??? I'm a newbie but from what I can tell you'll be up to the task!
Happy Holidays to everyone!
Mike.
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Oh, this is just great! Steve, you totally rock! I can't wait to show my husband and parents - they will get such a kick out of this.
Thanks for the much-needed laugh!
Debbi
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ooo, I'm sooooo glad I actually REMEMBERED something! I'm happy to drag this out of the bottom of the barrel so that everyone could enjoy this again, or see it for the first time. Steve probably wouldn't have done it, shy, retiring, modest man that he is! ;)
Sue in Vancouver
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Brilliant Steve!
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What great fun that was!! You really hit the humor button on that one, Steve!
Priscilla
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Steve - I found this book while shopping on-line for my niece. Couldn't help but think of you - are you writing under a nom de plume? ;)
http://www.amazon.com/Shall-Knit-You-Hat-Christmas/dp/031237139X/ref=br_lf_m_1000317341_1_11_img?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&s=books&pf_rd_p=465547751&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_i=1000317341&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=11KEY9AW1F5EH31XB59R (http://www.amazon.com/Shall-Knit-You-Hat-Christmas/dp/031237139X/ref=br_lf_m_1000317341_1_11_img?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&s=books&pf_rd_p=465547751&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_i=1000317341&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=11KEY9AW1F5EH31XB59R)
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Steve,
I loved your poem -- it was hilarious --thanks for the laugh! You truly are multitalented!!! Wishing you a great Christmas/Hannakah and a Happy and Health New Year!
Wendy
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OMG that was funny! I think that one is a "printer" to hang in my cube. No one but me will know what the heck it means though.
Cathy
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That was such an AWESOME poem. You are the light at the end of the tunnel for me today.
Thanks!
Sher
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Steve,
Yesterday, I bought a Christmas tree and decorated it, and today I read your poem. Christmas can come now I've got the Christmas Spirit.
THANKS
Dan in Germany
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Bravisimo! *clap*clap*clap* I LOVED it! Good job!
Regards,
Brian
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(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/dancing_santa_lg_clr.gif)
"Your Poem totally rocks!!!!"
--Santa
Capt Deb(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/yohohoho-1.jpg)
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Yes, Sue...thanks for reviving this holiday gem! There are quite a few of us that missed it the first time around!
(Jan - I like the Christmas card fundraiser idea!)
Great job, Steve! :D
Nancy
I dropped the ball here; never did bring this to the attention of the ANA. Perhaps we can ask about making it into a Christmas card for next year. Phyl, you're got influence with the "powers that be". Can you help us out here?
Glad Sue thought enough to "resurrect" this post from last year. IMO we don't need a new rendition each year; this one will do quite nicely.
Many thanks, Steve ;D
Jan
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Yep, why mess with a "Classic"?
Sue in Snowy Vancouver USA
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Thank you so much for the laughs. That is a classic for us ANers. Bring it back yearly. Great job!!!
Grace
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Steve,
That's hilarious---and I'm Jewish! ;D ;D ;D
Many thanks for these and previous laughs.
Marci
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Thanks again everyone for the kind words, and thanks Sue for reviving the poem. I did have an email exchange with the ANA director last January about putting it in the Dec 2008 newsletter. I guess it got lost in the shuffle since then, with the recent newsletter mainly focused on the big conference next summer. The main thing is that it is here for all our forum friends.
Happy Holidays to all.
Steve
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Well, Steve, there is always Christmas of 2009! It will still be timely then.
Sue in Vancouver USA
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FANTASTIC, Steve!
Thanks for your great poem, it was so funny reading and I laughed a lot :D :D :D
You are such a talent! I also like the idea with the Christmas cards ;)
Have a lovely Christmas all of you and thanks for always being there for me when I need help and support!
I'm so grateful I found this forum.
1 000 hugs from Helene in Sweden :)
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this is great. tx Steve. Unfortunately only those who have experienced and are experiencing AN can appreciate this.
JO ;D
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My husband has not personally experienced an AN tumor- and he thought it was fantastic as did a few others who have never had a TUMA ;D
DHM
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Steve,
I'm not sure how I missed this last year, but I would echo everyone's comments about how absolutely brilliant and creative your poem is. Very entertaining ;D
Mark
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Steve,
I love the poem. Laughter is the best medicine.
Thanks for the laugh.
Syl
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Steve, remember this for next Christmas! Then we can enjoy this all over again. Truly, this is genius. How ya doin' in the snow?
Sue in Vancouver
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Loved the poem, it is a must to re-post every Christmas... we all need a laugh.
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Great one, Steve. And I agree -- this needs to be an ANA Forum tradition. And I am sure Judy would be glad to publish this in the Newsletter.
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Steve,
I have to thank you again for writing this poem. It is just hysterical and eveyrone I showed it to, whether they got it completely or not found it almost as funny as I did.
Thanks again,
Wendy
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Steve,
Once again - thank you for the poem. I printed it off this time ( with your small picture and name at the bottom as the author..... :) ) . Please submit it to the ANA director again.... it should go in the newsletter!
marg
P.S. It was great seeing you again at the Casey Eye Institute a few weeks ago. What a great meeting that was.
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READ PAGE 1, as this posting by our esteemed moderator, Steve, needs to be popped back to the top!! It's EXCELLENT!!
And the winner of one of the best poems on the AN Forum goes to.....the envelope please! STEVE!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Sue in Vancouver, USA
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That.was.AWESOME.
Steve, you gave my hubby and I such a chuckle tonight, thank you! :)
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It has indeed become a classic! I saw it for the first time last year and so enjoyed it! Great again this year, too, Steve! Didn't someone last year mention trying to get it in the ANA newsletter? Probably too late for this year, but we must try to get it published for all the ANers to enjoy ;D
Thanks to you, too, Sue, for bringing it to our attention again!
Cindy
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Steve, my first read and I can't stop chuckling...simply brilliant! Can't wait to share with my family!!! Definitely a classic and right on the spot!
Happy Holidays,
Cheryl
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This was my first read, as well. How clever and oh so appropriate for all of us. Thanks, Steve.
Clarice
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I was new to the forum when this was dredged up from archives last year, and it once again gives me a sense of amazement . . . this group is the best gift of ALL!
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Hahaha, Steve I loved it! How perfect :D
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Steve,
I love your parody on The Night Before Christmas -- I sent it to my doctor last year and he thought it was really funny too. You really crack me up sometimes! Have a Merry Christmas!!
Wendy :D
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Classic! I love it (again)! Great job, Steve!
Regards,
Brian
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Too bad you can't get residuals from this, Steve. Guess you'll have to bask in the glory instead! ;)
Sue in Vancouver USA
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Loved this then, love it now ! Happy Holidays my AN family.
Always good thoughts, Nancy
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Steve,
I can't believe I have just read "An Acoustic Neuroma Christmas" for the first time! I loved it!!! Thank-you for your cheerful heart and your tender mercies!!! What an asset you are to this forum and to this wonderful AN family!!! I may not chime in often, but I want all of you to know how very special you are to me also!!
May we all share in a wonderful Christmas, and try to give over our worries to the only one that can truly help us!!! Bless you all,
Jackie
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What we alll need - a big laugh. I really enjoyed it!!!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good ucoming year.
Grace
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I'll just say this is just such a terrific poem Steve wrote, and this way it pops back to the top. Want EVERYBODY to see it!!
Sue in Vancouver USA
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Ah, yes, me favorite holiday poem!!! Steve, you have entirely too much time on your hands--no wonder you took up knitting. I wore me purple Jolly Roger Chapeau on the blizzard walk today. It had a really good time and got all snowy for sure. Tomorrow morning it'll be "walking in a winter wonderland."
Anyone who hasn't met Steve, you are in for a real treat! He has a wonderful sense of humor.
Hugs,
Capt Deb(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/yohohoho-1.jpg)
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Baha Humbug...get it, Baha...haha!
Well done Steve, you're a poet I didn't know it?!?
Take Care & *Happy Merry*
;)
Doc
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A Christmas Classic in ANA land..
Very clever!!!!
Happy Holidays to all.
Kate
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Heads up all you poet followers
http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=11412.0
DHM
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Loved it. Am printing it now to share with my hubby. He'll get a kick out of it.
Tam
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Steve,
That was toooooo clever. Just read it for the first time.
How creative and funny. Can't say enough! You are multi talented.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I don't think anyone would understand a word of this, who hasn't had an AN and "done their homework."
Maureen :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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I just read it for the first time - I've missed it two years now!
It is a classic!
Thanks,Steve!
Keri
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Yep, Steve, a definite classic! You must promise to dust this off every year - it's so fun.
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That was incredible...you're making me ready for my surgery coming up on Tuesday as scared as I am. Your special talent spreads cheer throughout our AN land!!! Thanks a MILLION!!!
Mei Mei
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Bumping it up for another season. No reason not to recycle it!
Steve
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Loved it! A very very Merry christmas to all and a very very very very HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO ALL! JOAN
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Thanks Steve!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a symptom free night!
Moe
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Best darn poem around !! Happy Holidays everyone, Always good thoughts, Nancy
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Thanks for re-posing ..... terrif!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ..... as well as warm virtual hugs .... to all !
Greg
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This is by far the best AN poem I've ever read!! LOL
Glad you brought this back, Steve.
Sue in Vancouver, USA
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That was just too funny! ;D I liked the "Hum of Tinnitus in our heads" line...lol Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Jay
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I loved this! thank you for the Holiday smile...ANA style!
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Have enjoyed it so much each year I've read it! Thanks once again, Steve!
Merry Christmas, all!
Cindy
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Wonderful Steve.. Thanks for reposting. Definately put a smile on my face.. A very Merry Christmas & hugs to all!
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I wish I could get my tinnitus to s hum ...
Thanks for recycling ...
quote on a friends signature ...No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced :)
Merry Christmas to all
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A great Christmas Cheer to you ALL! Thanks for resonding this. It's a cllassic now! :)
Mei Me
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Not only a cool sweater, he's got a neat "Hat" ;) 8)
Merry Christmas One and All ;D
Rich & Scarlett
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Now that is is some Christmas Cheer!! Great
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Iv`e been on board over 3 years and first time I`v`e seen this lovely cute poem. Thanks+ Merry Christmas to all! Mickey
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To all of my AN Friends,
The ability to laugh is once again evident in Steve's clever Christmas poem, and to Steve I say thank-you!! To everyone on this forum, may I wish you a truly remarkable Christmas,
and the hope for the New Year that healing, wellness, acceptance, peace and tranquility be just part of everyone's year ahead. Blessings to all and a very special thank-you to each and every contributor to this wonderful forum.
Sharing the love,
Jackie in oregon
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Merry Christmas to all ... not to mention that crazy poet from the Pacific Northwest- "Stevie" ;)
CHeers,
DHM
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What a wonderful thing to share with all of us. It truly is GREAT!
TJ
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Steve,
This is becoming quite the classic! Always enjoy the read! :)
Phyl
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Yes, thank you, Steve. And happy late birthday.
Nice to see you Rich and Scarlett!!!
Keri
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Time to bump this up. Thanks, Steve, and Merry Christmas to all!
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Thanks for bumping this up again, Sara!
Clarice
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Yes, time for another Christmas treat from Steve!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Mei Mei
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Tis my first Christmas here on the forum and my first read of the clever version of the Christmas Carol. Thank you Steve and a MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!
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I wondered about this the other day, and I am so glad it got bumped up again. This is the best poem ever!!! I don't come here often anymore, but Merry Christas everyone and best wishes for a better 2012.
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That was a great poem!! ;D Thanks Steve.
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(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/dancing_santa_lg_clr.gif)
Steve-o in his santa get-up!
The guy's just full of Christmas Cheer!!!
Yo Ho! Ho! Ho!(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/yohohoho-1.jpg)
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Ha ha, that's great, Deb.
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This has become a true classic here... much like "It's a Wonderful Life" being broadcast on TV every holiday season! Love it!
Happy Holidaze all!
Phyl
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Ditto what Phyl said ;D
And love the dancing Steve Santa, Deb!
Jan
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I missed this the first year it was posted ... I will blame it on being first An Christmas and having other things on my mind
then I saved it in 2008 ...then I got a new computer and had to re-save it in 2009 to the new one ... and since then each year I say to self ... "self you should save this" and I copy it to paste it and try to save and type AN Christmas as title, it tells me that I already have document by this name saved ... I check it out and each year I write myself a note at the end of my original saved copy that I will get next year when I try to save it again ...
I look forward to reading it each year ... maybe next year I will read it on here and not try to save it again ... but some how I doubt it ... maybe I just like it so much I want to make sure I don't lose it ;D
love Santa Steve
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That was so clever! As I was waiting for your poem to
Open, I was thinking to myself, "on the first day of Christmas
My AN gave to me, only one dropped dish". "on the second day of Christmas
My AN gave to me , 100 'what did you say to me's" etc etc. I just laugh at
Most of the symptoms chalking it up to where I am at
Right now. Thanks for the smiles and laughs!!!
Stephanie
1.6 cm diagnosed 11-18-2011
HEI translab will be 1-25-12
80%. LS hearing loss and what is left is distorted
Minor balance issues (doorjams mostly)
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Well, looks like this hasn't been bumped to the top yet! Good grief...this is a yearly treat! Enjoy!
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It's my first AN Christmas and this poem has so lifted my spirits. I bet our doctors would love it too. Thank you and God bless us every one.
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Always great to read this - thanks for thinking to bump it, Sue!
cindy
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Merry Christmas, ANA forum members!
There is a little self promotion here, but these days that's just called a selfie. I'm doing fine, except not being able to hear much, but I'm doing fine with that too, for that matter. Just did a nice meeting with Hilary (aka 4) and the Portland ANA group, so I'm not totally disconnected from ANA. For all you newbies, just believe it, life can be fine when you're a postie - it just takes a while.
Best Wishes to all my friends on the forum, and everyone else too.
Steve
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Oh, this is just too good to pass up.
;D
With minor variations (and apologies), here's my version of The Night Before Christmas.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
A neuroma was stirring, the size of a mouse.
The research was done on the computer with care,
In hopes that Doc Nicholas soon would be there.
The patient was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of MRIs danced in his head.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an ambulance sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old doctor, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Doc Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of meds, and Doc Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Doc Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in scrubs, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of meds he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He cut out the tumor, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
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Steve! Glad to see you again!! It's been a while! Thank you for bumping this topic up, I was actually going to do that myself because it is such bump-worthy material! Take care and have yourself a very happy holiday!
Jay