General Category > AN Issues

Any students?

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Alix May:
I am in my final semester of my B.S. degree, and there are only eight weeks left, but I'm really struggling. I was diagnosed a few weeks into the semester, and really thought it wouldn't be a huge deal to get through it.

However, I seem to be one of the unlucky few with very bad balance issues and dizzy spells. While I've had *some* balance issues since the end of last semester, they didn't get really bad until the end of February (I had several falls). I'm having a lot of fatigue and the past couple of weeks I just fall asleep every afternoon. I don't think I've napped more than a few times a year in my adult life! Reading is often difficult. But so is motivation. There are times I could do the work and I just feel distracted or uninterested. Until this semester I had a 3.94 GPA, so this is really not like me.

I struggle with feeling like I am letting everyone down. I'm doing my best to attend classes where things are due so professors don't have to worry about making time for me to make up work (so far, so good). But getting around campus is really difficult.

Did anyone else have an AN discovered while they were in school? Did you try to explain things to your instructors?

I'm so stressed and I feel like a failure.

SueLL:
I am not a student, but I am a professor.  I personally am always willing to work with students who explain their personal situations to me, whether they have to do with health, personal problems, family problems, etc.  (Even before my own AN saga.) Understanding instructors know that "Life Happens!"  It also helps that you have a strong academic record.  I would recommend talking to each instructor personally and explaining how you have been blindsided by both the symptoms and the diagnosis.  Some will be helpful; others may think you are looking for special treatment and may protest.  After you talk to them, you might be able to determine where to put your limited energy.  You might also consider requesting a few Incompletes.  You have a valid medical reason for doing so.  It can't hurt to approach them, and it may help alleviate some stress that you are feeling.  By the way, I find that stress makes my symptoms much worse!

On the emotional side, the AN diagnosis and symptoms are not easy to handle.  All of us on the forum have dealt with it differently, but it is definitely difficult at times.  Do not get down on yourself!

I have to run - Good Luck!

Mimispree:
I bet you didn't know you would be taking an Advanced Placement Course on Life, during your final year.  Firstly, congratulations on your accomplishments.  It pains all of us to read your feeling like you've let people down:  You haven't done any such thing!  You should be especially proud of yourself.

I'm so sorry that your symptoms are bothering you at this crucial stage and the stress you are feeling is the pits!  It's hard to re-prioritize and ask for help, but it is completely understandable and no one should think less of you because of your serious health issue--ESPECIALLY YOU.

The hardest thing for me on this journey is to be gentle with myself and accept some new limitations and know that I will continue where I left off as soon as I get this dizziness and unbalance and another surgery behind me.  I wish life would happen on my timetable (because I put a lot of thought and sacrifice in to it, damn it!), but it doesn't always.

Take care of yourself and keep looking for solutions to cope through this because you will be on the other side of it.

I send you a big hug!

Michelle

Alix May:
Michelle & Dr. SueLL, thank you so much for your kind responses! I didn't get the chance to come here yesterday until right before sleep, but I did fall asleep feeling well supported.

Michelle - it's so strange, I thought I had "gotten over" my perfectionism, but apparently I'm having a "flare!" I really relate to frustration at life not keeping up with my plans! I was so eager to get into the job market and start applying for graduate school. I have to remind myself often that we have, and can continue to, survive without my paycheck, and that things are only delayed and not destroyed. I'll keep trying to be kind to myself, but it's going to take some practice, I think. I'm really good at self-motivation, but also really good at punishing myself when I don't meet my own standards.

Dr. SueLL - thank you so much for the encouragement. I have a deep respect for professors and all they've accomplished and sacrificed to be where they are and do what they do. I really don't want to make their jobs any harder, and I'm always afraid of "oversharing." I will need to be near the offices for most of them tomorrow, so I'll see who I can catch during office hours.

milhaus:
Alix:

I was diagnosed with a 3.8 cm AN during the summer before my final year of school at the University of Kansas. Before my diagnosis my symptoms wreaked complete havoc on my academic career. I was having trouble making it to classes, studying, and concentrating because I was having dizziness and vertigo attacks. I knew something was wrong and went to see doctors many times for over a year before I was finally diagnosed. I even went to the ER almost exactly one year before my diagnosis complaining of dizziness and they did a CAT scan and missed it!

Most of the doctors just thought it was all in my head and tried to prescribe antidepressants. This made it impossible to get any help with my academics because I had no real excuse. There was nothing "officially" wrong with me. So my grades really suffered but I persevered, eventually convincing myself I was just a basket case. I convinced myself that all my symptoms were just the result of anxiety.

Eventually I started to get nystagmus while sitting perfectly still. After that started doctors began taking me a bit more seriously and and MRI revealed my 3.8 cm tumor. I had it removed on July 31st in an 18 hour long surgery that kept me in the hospital for 10 days. Because the surgery was so long and my head was not properly supported I developed a pressure sore which caused a roughly 6 in by 2 in patch of my scalp to basically die and turn to scar tissue. The hair fell out and never came back.

I started school again just three weeks after my surgery. My wife had to drive me to and from all my classes and I just did the best I could. During this time I got facial paralysis that lasted about 2 months, and I lost the ability to taste with half of my tongue. I also lost the use of my left tear ducts and salivary glands all because my nervus intermedius was severed.

My follow up MRI that December revealed that 1.3 cm of my tumor was still remaining and so I had a second 8 hour surgery in March that kept me in the hospital for 5 days and kept me out of school for two weeks. All my professors and GTAs were very supportive and helpful and I ended up finishing that semester with a 3.6 GPA and graduating In May.

School was so much easier to manage and help was so much easier to obtain when I knew what the problem was. Before that it was a nightmare. Don't be afraid to tell people of your limitations. In my experience "brain tumor" is like a magic word that gets you a lot of sympathy and support. Don't abuse it, but certainly use it. Most professors want you to succeed, and in my experience if you reach out to them they will do everything they can to help.

If you are having vertigo I would suggest talking to your doctor about valium or another vestibular suppressant that would make it much easier to get around and least while you are pre-treatment. You are so close to the finish, I am sure you can do it.

You may always feel tired and lack motivation, but in my opinion it is okay to let yourself feel that way a little. With your GPA as high as it is already you can afford a few lower grades. Just stick with it for another 8 weeks. You don't have to be perfect you just have to finish.

It's not a sign of weakness to admit you are a victim. Allow yourself to be one, share your diagnosis with your professors, friends, and family, and take all the support you can get but never give up. I wouldn't have graduated if not for the support and understanding of all those people.

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