Thank you, Rodneyd, for your detailed response to my last post. I agree with everything you said. This guy has all sorts of serious, personal issues which I believe he will never deal with and get addressed. I don't think he believes he has a problem at all.
I was a little impressed, though, with his sharing with me early this week, that he now knows how bad it was for me being cooped up in his house all those hours over the whole weekend, and he doesn't feel proud at all over how bad it was for me alone in his house, whereas we were supposed to go out and do things together. He chose to work all day on the Monday I was there (my last full day there) instead of taking some of the time off for us to spend together, as he had told me we'd do. Instead, I was cooped up in there all day, as well, until he got home about 6:15 that evening. I had gone mad in that place that day, after a while I was screaming bloody murder, but no one was there to even hear me. I was confined to the large solarium(sunroom), a glass-enclosed room off the kitchen, to keep warm and in there he had a propane tank inside a wheeled cart to put out heat for me to keep warm. He never put the heat on in his house to keep us both warm during my time there. He had told me, prior to my coming, that he would have the heat on because due to his CK radiation, he feels the cold more easily, as I do because of Methotrexate oral chemotherapy I have to take for the parapsoriasis condition I have on my legs. He has been aware of my condition for a long while. I didn't keep anything about me from him, I was always open and honest with him.
Despite his saying (that fateful night when I got banished to the guest room (no camera in there), that he had the "mystery" procedure coming up on Sept. 30th for the AN swelling, and his stress over trying to get over the chest cold he had developed just prior to my coming, he still has not had this procedure done! That all is still up in the air and I wonder if he really was scheduled for that procedure for the 30th. And, I wonder if he will ever have it done, or is this something he made up on his own? Guess I will never know. Well, the camera that is up on the wall near the ceiling in his room, certainly would show that he doesn't have anything to crow about that first night I was with him in his room. It actually shows an encounter that looks more like my being raped! And, I still have bruises on my legs that show it. Since last week, I have developed hip pain on my right side. Never have had this pain before in my life and although I have osteopenia, it is not enough to concern my doctor. My bones are still in good shape. There are cameras set up in the downstairs rooms and hallways on both floors, so it's not only his room that has one in there.
I had a huge fight with him this week, a flurry of e-mails we exchanged where I confronted him about this and that, desperately trying to get answers to things he told me there, but gave no explanation. Finally, I got a confession from him about why he had moved me out of his room after the first night with him, and that being that he still has not been able to move on since his divorce of 8 years ago, that he can't let go of the memories he has of the blissful 25-year marriage he had. He is of Indian descent, married an Indian woman 3 years younger than he back in 1980 and he was madly in love with her and felt guilty having me in the room they shared together. He said I am the first woman who has been in the house with him since his divorce, except for his son and daughter who are grown and on their own. He also said he is not looking to get involved in any more romances, but if he does end up settling down someday, it would be with an Indian woman younger than he, "in his age group, as he said." This made me feel very old (I'm 62 and he just turned 57) and I told him how this made me feel. He apologized, said that in his culture, men settle down with women 3-8 years younger than they are. He said he embraces his Indian culture and always was, so he has decided we are not compatible, said we both have vastly different outlooks. I hadn't done or said anything that would lead him to come to this conclusion! Plus, way back in the beginning o our relationship, I brought up the matter of our age difference and he told me it didn't matter to him. I also told him this week that if our relationship had become much stronger, I would have planned to learn all about his culture, learn the language (which he speaks in addition to English) and even relocate to the UK to be with him He scoffed at this!
In our e-mails this week, I kept asking him WHY did he invite me to come visit him if he still has his ex-wife and blissful marriage on his mind so much. Man, she left him 8 years ago, had strayed from him with another guy, her personality had changed and he didn't know her anymore, didn't trust her anymore! He didn't contest the divorce because he'd lost all his trust in her. I have the e-mail from him (of last March 4th) in which he explained everything about his marriage, what the ex did and what the contentious divorce was like, that it went on for a year and she got almost all his wealth in the end. He was left with almost nothing and had to start again and rebuild his life, financially, learn to live in the huge family home by himself, manage the place all himself. I don't know how he does it now, especially with the AN and CK side effects that persist. And, here he is now, can't get her out of his mind. By the way, he is British-born, raised and educated there and has lived all his life in the UK.
I can't help think that a lot of this from him is indicative of perhaps, severe cognitive behavior on his part, due to the continued swelling of his AN and he is at the point where he believes it will be like this for the rest of his life. He actually told me he has a brain tumor! I know enough about AN's now to be aware that an AN is not actually a brain tumor, but he apparently has become what he believes. He believes he will die from this tumor. If that is the case, then he is going to have to paddle his own canoe from her on, because any attempts on my part to tell him otherwise, and to help him with encouragement, would fall on deaf ears.
It's a dreadful situation, one I couldn't have imagined would ever play out this way! I don't know how he manages to get up extra early in the mornings, go to the gym and work out for at least an hour, then put in a full day at work as a director of his own manufacturing company! I think since he had a second round of CK radiation last April, he would be having another MRI (3 months after the one in August) this month. I guess it will probably show the same results as the one done in August.
This whole thing has left me feeling so drained, my life turned upside down, can't get myself to work on time most days and I have difficulty concentrating, getting things done for myself. I live alone, too, have been since my husband died in 1993.
Thanks again so much for your comments and concerns. I so appreciate it.
Tina
