Welcome to the forum, and so sorry you are having those problems with the BAHA. It is NOT normal to have all that pain, and it sounds like it is chronically infected. You SHOULD be able sleep on the BAHA side.
I had problems with my first BAHA with skin irritation and the device wasn't working correctly, and we decided to simply unscrew the abutment, let it heal up, and then couple years later, I had a new post implanted and it has been fine. Other than cleaning the abutment in the shower, I don't have any problems..
So see what your doc says, but one of the options is to have the abutment removed and just let it heal up that way (ENT doctor). I'm a military spouse, so understand about how erratic the health care can be.
Hope that helps